FND Day

Yesterday was a bust. During strength training I got a headache so I laid down. Then the FND symptoms hit.They didn't hit hard, but it was significant enough to put me under for the rest of the day.

So back to it today, but I take it easy.

I started Chantix yesterday, and I'm already seeing an uptick in not enjoying cigarettes. I both love and hate the feeling, but I have got to quit smoking. Once I quit I will never have one again. I am both sad and elated. I'm sad because a large chunk of my social group smokes. I'm elated because I'll have more money. 

I'm worried about Cody's employment. His boss called me yesterday because he's had several no call no shows and he was worried. He's totally going to get fired. He says he has it under control, but I wonder if he's lieing to me. We can't afford two people unemployed right now, and as hard as I'm working to gain employment, it takes time. I'm scared...like outright scared. I don't want to have to move. I just want to be financially secure, have my house, and live a decent life.

I'm so scared.

And if Cody is lieing to me we are going to have problems. I don't ask for much in my relationships. I deal with a lot, but I need honesty and communication to feel secure. I need it.

So afraid.

But I must soldier on. Keep on doing my best and everything will work out.

Maybe Cody and I need to have a sit down. Review expectations and lay out my fears.