It's official

I am officially a college student!! Starting January I will be a full time student!! I will get my masters in teaching then get my own classroom like I've wanted for years! I just need 2 more semesters! I'll do classes spring 2028. Then summer will be for taking the praxis and any other tests I need. And fall 2018 I will do my student teaching!! I'll spend 2019 subbing and in fall of 2019 I'll have my own classroom!!

I also got offered a full time plus benefits job at the school I've been subbing at. Starting next week I will have a big girl job. My first big girl job in almost 10 years! I'll make about 400 bucks a week. That's enough to start working on my debt as a serious thing! My goal is to have one credit card paid off by December. I'll make a sizable dent in the other one by may. Then I can get to work on my student loans. It'll take me many years to pay back the student loans, but it's now a possibility.

A year ago I wouldn't have thought this possible. That I can function like an adult is an amazing thing! I feel so grateful to my doctors!

Now I just need to work on my ability to clean. If I can't do it now I certainly won't working and schooling full time.

Today will not do. It will not function. It will not proceed successfully. I am too tired.

I've been getting less and less sleep lately as I try to improve my life, and I'm near the point where I say "Fuck it." I'm sick.Not horribly, just a cough that wont quit. I've stayed up late/gotten up early every day this week.

I'm coming home and going to sleep and I don't want to wake up until the next morning.

Dishes need to be done. Laundry needs to be folded. But nope. just sleep. Just 8 more hours till sleep. I hope my kids are well behaved today.

Less sleep, more noise

Yesterday I got it in my head that I should clean. I don't know why, but I did. I don't regret it. It's just a thing that happened. I was going to take another day to recover from my chest cold, but no...I had to clean.

I got up did dishes and the laundry along with my usual stuff...save for walking. "Not yet," says my chest. But I got a lot of laundry and dishes done.

Then I went to work where I was literally running after one of our kids. One of our kids is causing the whole school a lot of pain by not wanting to be in class to the point he walks out of the class to wander the halls. He's such a challenge, but he has a good heart down deep inside. I wish I could show him that learning can be fun. I just don't know how. Anyway, between the other kids and him I was out of breath most of the day.

Then I came home and started cleaning. The bathroom floor needed to be scrubbed. So I scrubbed it no matter how tired I was. And I did such a good job! I was going to clean the rest of the bathroom but Joe came home so I made dinner. Then he took me on a date! We went to Micheal's to get the makings for harry potter wands for our friends. Then we came home and watched The Defenders and made the wands. I went to bed at 11.

Then at midnight I got up and couldn't go back to sleep. To be honest it was because I was hurting. My whole body ached, especially my legs. I also had a nightmare about our troubled kid, but I could have gone to sleep after it if it weren't for the pain.

So I got out of bed, chopped veggies for the chili today, and went to chill with Joe as he finished up his wand.

Then I got up this morning at 5 am, finished putting the chili in the crock pot, and put the bathroom back together.

If I don't fall asleep when I get home today's goal is to clean the sink and toilet, and plan the livingroom's reorganization.

As soon as I finish blogging I'm going to do a load of laundry and make myself breakfast. Hopefully I'll have enough time to do some dishes. I dirtied quite a few yesterday.

So our problem kid has a history of violence. The nightmare was about getting injured by him and not being able to pay for my medical stuff. Unrealistic, but it's an actual fear I have. I'm sure that the school system has a system where if you're injured at school they will pay for it. Even subs need that.

Wrench in my cogs

So of course I'd get sick this weekend. Nothing earth shattering, just a minor chest cold. But it really interrupted my plans.

I am a mess. For serious, yo. I can't cook. I can't clean. I can't do anything. I'm feeling really down on myself today. But how can I improve?

I'm not going for a walk because of the chest cold, but aside that I can stick to my schedule. Today I clean the bathroom.

I hope I don't get punched today. I'm working with one of our troubled kids. And I have actual work for him to do today. I have no idea what his math level is at, but I worked up some math problems for him to do for a quick assessment. Maybe I can actually start teaching him new concepts. <3 MAybe I'll be the one teacher he needs to break through. I doubt it. I only have 3 weeks left. Thats hardly enough time.

Today I think I'm going to skip self improvement hour and clean more. I'm also probably going to have to plan another lesson in math for my kid. So during self improvement hour I plan my lesson and redesign the living-room.

My brain is obviously still sick. well obviously to me. I'm having a hard time focusing on anything for too long.

My application for college is just waiting on a few more things to be approved. I need to be back in school. I need my own classroom. I need those delightful full time benefits. I need to know I'm making a difference in children's lives. I need to know I'm a contributing member of society.

I'm doing laundry and dishes this morning.  When I come home my schedule shall be:

4:30PM- Clean the bathroom
5:00PM- Clean the bathroom
5:30PM- Prepare Dinner
6:00PM- Eat Dinner
6:30PM- Plan math lesson
7:00PM- Plan the living room out.
7:30PM- Clean the upstairs office
8:00PM- Exercise
8:30PM- Get ready for bed
9:00PM- Go to sleep

Push yourself harder! Lets go!

So Joe said I've been slacking in the pushing myself department. I'm not seeing how, but I'm going to push myself harder anyway.

I'm working full time now. That and sleep takes up much of my time. I still need a solid 8 hours, and then I spend 8 hours at work. That leaves me with 8 hours of pushing time. 8 hours seems like a lot of time, but it isn't. 3 hours of that are me getting ready for work and for bed, eating, and general self maintenance. So 5 hours...

NEW SCHEDULE!!!

5:00AM- wake up and go on morning walk/run
5:30AM - Coffee and relaxing/waking up
6:00AM- Shower
6:30AM- Prepare breakfast and lunch
7:00AM- Paperwork or Blog
7:30AM- Dishes and/or laundry
8:00AM- Go to work
4:00PM- Return from work
4:30PM- Self Improvement Hour (Duolingo, study...etc.)
5:00PM- Self Improvement Hour
5:30PM- Prepare Dinner
6:00PM- Eat Dinner
6:30PM- Play Guitar
7:00PM- Clean more things
7:30PM- Clean still more
8:00PM- Exercise
8:30PM- Get ready for bed
9:00PM- Go to sleep

Now this doesn't leave me much time for rest, which I need. I'm still working my stamina up. But it does mean that the house will be cleaner which will make Joe happy. I want Joe to be happy.

Fantasy Football

I joined a Fantasy Football League last night. That was fun. I really had no idea what I was doing. I just kind of...picked names at the top of the list. So here's my team:

Quarterback: Matt Ryan (Atlanta Falcons)
Runningbacks: Jordan Howard (Chicago Bears) and Ty Montgomery (Green Bay Packers)
Wide Receiver: Demaryius Thomas (Denver Broncos) and Donte Moncrief  (Indianapolis Colts)
Tight End: Jimmy Graham (Seattle Seahawks)
Flex: Alshon Jeffery (Philadelphia Eagles)
Defense/ Special Teams: Vikings
Kicker: Justin Tucker (Baltimore Ravens)


Bench:
Odell Beckham Jr. (Wide Receiver, New York Giants)
Ben Roethlisberger (Quarterback, Pittsburgh Stealers)
Bilal Powell (Running Back, New York Jets)
Theo Riddick (Running Back, Detroit Lions)
Hunter Henry (Tight End, L.A. Chargers)
Wil Lutz (Kicker, New Orleans Saints)
Patriots (Defense, New England)

Improvements!

I started a new Blog called "The Things I Eat." It's a cooking blog about my low calorie journey. In order to lose weight I need to eat 1400 calories or fewer. But some foods don't keep me full long enough. I'm keeping track of the calories and how full I stay with all the food I eat.

I've stayed under my calorie count 2 days in a row! It's been difficult. I see all these good foods all over the place (Especially the teacher's lounge) and I want to eat thm. I have to tell myself "I'd rather be skinny." That is my mantra. 90 lbs to go!

I've also walked a mile 2 days in a row! My calves burn, and I breathe heavy, but I average 3 MPH and that's good for me. I figure in a month I can start the couch to 5k app.

I went out with my friend Jess last night. It was so lovely to catch up with someone. I think my social skills are almost back to normal. I've felt since my FND I just couldn't talk to people like I used to. I was having so many problems! But I've been practicing and now I think I'm mostly back to normal. So many fewer awkward silences!

Work was hard yesterday. It was still enjoyable, but hard. I love Special Education, but there are some rough days. There were 2 students that were the most difficult. One just wanted to go home and was frustrated he couldn't. The other wanted me to read to him all the time. The main problem I faced was when he wanted to leave the classroom to go to the library. I tried to get him back to the classroom, but he hit and scratched me to the point of drawing blood. I mean I've had worse cuts from my cats, but this is the first time I recall a student has drawn blood on me.

I dyed my hair this morning. It's now black, but so is my scalp...and forehead. I've never had this issue before, and It's a bit embarrassing, but at least it should no longer be blue. Blue is an unprofessional color and with all my interactions with the principal
I needed it a normal color. I mean I tried to dye it dark brown, but the blue still really stood out, especially in the light. I'll probably never dye my hair funny colors again just because of this episode. It was fun, but until colored hair is more widely accepted I just can't.

I joined a fantasy football league. I'll be the first to admit I have no idea what I'm doing. I think during the draft I'm going to pick names that I find appealing. Or I could use the rank chart published by ESPN. I don't know, but the draft is tonight. I'll figure things out as I go along.

Morning ramblings

I walked a mile today, and my calves were burning by the end of it. I'm going to walk that mile every morning until I feel good enough to jog, then I'll start the couch to 5K app. Eventually I'll be looking to do squats, situps and pushups on my alternate days too. But I want to wait till I know I have time for that. For now I have my 30 minute walk.

My first day of work was fantastic! The main teacher is still working on the TA schedule for the students. It's still the beginning of the year though so that's understandable. Luckily the student I will mostly be working with was not there so I was left to fill in holes.

Sanctuary, my LARP, is slated for some time in November. I'm really looking forward to it. I have the Alpha manual almost complete. Save for a few skills and descriptions. I hope to get a lot of feedback on it so I can really start to improve it. I'm also hoping it will be fun for the people who decide to come out. There are several people I want to come, but probably wont. People like my friends Tini and Blake who live in another state. I'd like to see what date is best for people and then work from there, but ultimately I'm just going to set a date and hope people show up.

I'm a Rambler

Joe took off last night so we could do diner ad a movie in. It was super nice of him to take off work for me, because I really missed him while I was gone. I know work is eating all of his time. He enjoys it, but it's killing all of our time together. I'll see if he can at least come home for a late dinner at night.

Today marks my first day back to work. I'm excited. I have a whole month of special ed job. The school called me up to see if I could work a whole month helping a teacher out. My contact said it pays more than usual too!

I'm a little nervous that I won't like the students and be stuck with them for a month. The benefit of being a sub is that if you don't like a classroom, it changes the next day. But for a month I will be with the same classroom.

I'm ready for my first LARP Alpha test. Now all I have to do is schedule it. I was going to do October, but Joe brought up the valid point that most people have Halloween parties they like to go to so I might wait till September. I think September may be the month for it. I hope people come. I hope it ends up being fun. I've worked really hard on it.

Busiest creature

So writing blogs on my cell phone has become quite the hassle.This is especially if I want to add images. The good news is I now have a laptop! My great aunt doesn't use hers so she gave it to me. The bad news is it is still running Windows XP. Who uses XP anymore? The good news is I can update it if I need to. There is no bad news.

As to what I've been up to. I went on a road trip to Kentucky to see the eclipse. I went to my first LARP in years. I hung out with friends.

Whats more exciting is the month of September I have a job...for the whole month!! I am super stoked!

I'm off the cigarettes and back to vaping. Quitting here I come!

I should be back to updating daily starting tomorrow. I plan on going to my special spot near my parent's house.

And here are some pictures of my roadtrip: