Fatty fat fat-fat!

I am fat. I'm the largest I've been in...ever. At near 200 lbs I am way overweight.

That's not the problem. The problem is I can't stick to a diet.its almost like I'm afraid I'll never eat again. It's an unfounded fear.

Aparently I need help to lose weight. I can't do it alone, so I'm signing up for weight watchers!

I'm also going gluten and artificial sugar free to hopefully get my bowels under control. (Except beer with friends and only if a wine or liqueur isn't there)

I'm hoping that my friends and boyfriend will help remind me to eat right. I really don't think I can do it alone this time.

I'm bad with birthdays

I love birthdays. I love celebrating the birth of someone I care deeply for. There is something so satisfying to knowing that the person you love knows how grateful you are they exsist.

That being said I'm horrible at birthdays. I forget them because I don't know what day it is half the time. I know, for instance, it's Wednesday, and I know it's in March but I couldn't tell you the date.

I forgot my friend Spongie's brthday. I feel sad. She gave me an awesome birthday text this year that really delighted me. I couldn't repay her for it either because I'm bad with days.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SPONGIE!!!!! (Even though it's late) I am so glad you were born and became a part of my life!!!

River Cruise

This weekend I was forced to choose between camping in the snow, or an all you can eat buffet on a river cruise. Guess what this little piggy chose! Yup! The river cruise!

It all started when this lovely lady picked me up from my house!

We had bagles and then zoomed off to her house! I took a selfie because I thought I looked cute.

Then we got all gussied up. We did makeup and then got her mom to take a pic of us withfashionable duck lips!

She looked hella smoking!

I looked like I put on my makeup right!

But because we are atypical girls, not only were we early. we were 45 minutes early. We decided to use our time to read and play vidja games.

Here's a picture of my friend on the cruise. She's single, if you were wondering ^_~

I would have taken a picture of the food too, but it disapeared magically rather quickly. After that, I taught my friend how to dance with someone stuck in a wheelchair (Which was fun.) After the first song or two, thugh the strobe came on and I had to relocate. So we did on the upper deck and took pictures.

This is a picture of a plane landing at Reagan National Airport.

Those two guys on the top deck communicated with us in hoots and hollars. We made up a story about them. They are frat boys at a reunion. The really drunk one was incresingly more out of the closet the more he drank. Their misadventures made us laugh.

It was amazingand beautiful beyond words and I'm so thankful I got to go!

Some time off

Yesterday and today I'm taking off from my blog. It's not for lack of subjects, but because my health hasn't been the best. Still I will be posting about my river cruise and going to the gym. Just a quick FYI.

Designing my dream house: master bathroom

Pinterest fuels my obsession with planning my future house! I have the entire house planned up to the furniture. I even have the land planned out. (Because more than a house, all I've really wanted was land to tromps around in) But because I have everything planned I'm going to show off my plans through pintrest pictures and then I'll overview the whole area in subsequent posts.

The first thing is the sink area. There needs to be lots of mirrors and light The sink itself needs to give me the ability to sit in it for when I do makeup. That's right! I SIT IN SINKS, WHAT OF IT? As to starage I want there to be plenty of cabinets. One for the cleaning stuff and drawers for my make up and girly fru-fru stuff. I'll bneed a cabinet for my blow dryer and hair shit too. So I'll need lots of storage.

About half the cabnetry in the picture should be good for both Joe and I. What I was really oggling is the mirrors and light. The colors are okay, not my favorite, but there's so much light!

I also like small details somewhere in the bathroom. It could be a fun tile design or a crazy bohemian sink like the one below. I just like having one thing per room that I can get lost looking at, and never really run out of things to discover about it.

Also I like the unique faucet of that sink. I guess I'm a fan of unique.

The shower and tub need to be next to each other. I want a little wooden stool in the shower as I've grown accustomed to sitting down in the shower. but I want the ability to fill up the tub, shower off all the grunge, then immediately hop into a steamy hot shower. Joe likes there to be lots of places where the water comes out, so I'll need that too.

I don't like the glass door on the shower in the picture. I'd rather mop than do windows. But a well placed drain and the entire floor being tile should make it do-able.

I want a huge window overlooking my property from my tub! 1) because I like light 2) because sometimes I don't want to read a book in the shower. (Do kindles come in waterproof editions?) I like watching animals and trees. I would have to do windows, but if I put an anti-fog coat on it, it should reduce my work load.

I hate faucets! I always end up bumping into them. Solution? Let the water come from the sky!

I'll admit, this is kind of ridiculous, but it saves on trying to buff up a faucet only to have it get water stains on it again.

I get cold easily. Wouldn't it be great to have a sauna? I can do one better...a sauna in a hidden room!

I want the color scheme of the bathroom to be super mellow and calming, but at the same time unique. 

This is the perfect combination therein.

I spend too much of my life on the toilet to not have a fancy one with a bidet and a seat warmer. Give me one of those Japanese toilets.My poops are luxurious! It's time th toilet was just as luxurious!

Also a light would be nice to ward off the toilet monsters...

A shelf on top of the TP holder is an incredible thought! You need someplace to put your phone down before you wipe until after your done washing your hands. Plus, it would be a nice space for wet-wipes. If you don't use wet-sipes after you poop, you really are missing out.

I'm not too keen on the metal piping in the picture unless it matches the rest of the bathroom. For once, I want my entire bathroom to match itself.

I hate plungers! I recognize they are essential to bathroom health, but they are super gross! I want a place to hide it and never look at it

Oh! Look! A place to hide the disgusting cess pit of germs to never look at it!

Despite the grossness of the plunger, I want a grey water system! That saves water!

I may not want a composting toilet, but I thought the concept was pretty neat. It just looks like more crap to break to me. But it looks neat!

I want a hidden hamper somewhere in the bathroom. Hampers make things tidy. Instead of putting laundry on the floor.

We have a lot of medicines. From indigestion, gas, to a metric butt-ton of painkiller...we need a large place to put them all!

Why not use a body mirror for the medicine cabinet?!

And that's my dream bathroom! I'll do another room soon. <3

Writers Holiday

The dates are in! In late August 2016 I will be taking a writers holiday. I will be going to a secluded Old Town area (Close enough to family so if there's an emergency I can get help) The goal is to come out of the week with a full first draft of a novel, or maybe two. This means 12 hours a day of writing, lots of walks and hot tub visits for thinking, and absolutely no internet except for 1 hour a day that I will update my blog with word counts and pictures.

Special thanks to my parents for letting me use their timeshare to make this writers holiday possible. I am so friggin excited!

Jobs

I just sent off an email to the Ticket to Work program and got an answer back. I have to make an appointment with another guy to get help working. I hope we can figure things out. I have so many limits on what I can do.

1. I can't interact with a lot of people
2. I can't talk for extended periods
3. I can't drive
4. I use a wheelchair
5. Loud sounds, stress, and quick movements will put me in a seizure

So my ideal is to be put into a room to do something dull and monotonous where people don't bother me. It would be a boon if I could shove in earbuds and listen to my podcasts as well.

I want to be employed. I don't want to be a homemaker. I suck at being a homemaker. The only chore I enjoy is laundry and cooking. Most of the time I end up making more mess than there was to begin with. The better plan is getting me a job, and then I'll pay for a friggin housekeeper to come in once a day to do dishes, straighten, clean, etc.

I'm also going to try to get a job with some friends in town doing patent classifications. It's a stretch for me as I do not have a STEM degree, but it's worth a shot since from what I understand it's the perfect environment for me. Hell, I'll see if the Ticket to Work can help me, but it's still a stretch. Still, it would be ideal. 2 of my friends already work there, and I think another friend is interested in applying. It would be amazing to work with these people. They are all smart, fun and good people. Having the same schedule and something else to talk about in common would be fantastic!

I'm just too stressed about not having a job. Crafting for money, and the piddle cents I make off my blog are not considered "Gainful Employment" to me.

Volunteer Delima

I volunteer every Saturday to help local immigrants be able to pass the citizenship test. (Hint, most of you would not pass it)  But of the past 2 Saturdays for class, I have completely neglected my job for health reasons. I've either been unable to focus on the content or outright unable to go. That's completely unfair to my students. So I have to take this more seriously.

1) I'm going ot talk to my doctor about getting an adderal prescription so that I can focus even with the amount of triggers constantly going on. Being able to focus on both the class itself, and my coping strategies will help me be more effective teaching. 

2) I need to treat the weekends like my work week. From now on, I have to leave my fun for the weekdays, not the weekends, at least until the class is over in May.This means no camping on the weekend (Mostly because rides are just too much of a bother to figure out.) Absolutely NO drinking. Lastly, no cramming my weekends full until I'm too unhealthy to teach a class. It's going to be hard for me to manage doing, but I need to stop pressing myself too hard. I'm so focused on catching up on all the fun I didn't have this past year, I forget that I'm still unwell and need to pace myself. 

This Saturday I'm coming at the class with a fresh enthusiasm. I will teach my students. I will be a benefit to my students. My class will be engaging, informative, and fun!

Madicon 25

So I went to a local nerd con. It was horribly depressing. The vendor room was scant, there was no artists there. I still ended up buying some posters for a friend, a Dragon Ball Z-Kai School dice bag, and a weather dies that I'll be using for my writing I think. I also bought two Tamora Pierce books for my student library when I'm a teacher (Gods know when that will be, but that's another story.)
 The panels that I attended were 1.5/3.5 good. There was a cute 15 year old who did a nerf gun modding panel, but it wasn't REALLY modding so much as painting and making look like other guns. I was hoping for a internal modding class on the basics of nerf gun parts, how they work, and maybe a how to decorate. The Shard panel (The LARP I used to be involved in and am on disability hiatus at the moment...maybe indefinitely. It depends on both my wallet and health along with rectifying some moral decisions concerning....well Game Staff drama) Anyway...there was no one there exept for people who have been a part of Shard before. Well, there were 4 people...one was 11 years old. But seriously, none of the other people said anything. I tried to ask questions to help out, but there just wasn't the audiance. The last one I ended up at on accident. It was a cartoon opening theme song sing along. I sat outside the room in my chair (I was chair bound the entire con) and sang along to the music. I know more words to cartoons than most of the others so...it made me chuckle at the ridiculousness of my mind. Seriously. How do you not know all the lyrics to Sailor Moon and Duck Tails?! I also attended a boffer sparring match hosted by Freestyle Martial Arts which is owned by another friend of mine. This shit is like Dagorhir met Kendo and had a threesome with Kobuto. I actually got out of the chair, and sparred the owner on our knees for a while. It was SO fun. I wanted to do more, but...health.
I did see some long time friends that I haven't seen since...4-5 years ago? It was really nice. They looked and sounded well. I didn't get to spend as much time with them as I liked, but they were busy table topping, and I was busy playing Magic, smoking, and chatting with my other friends.
It was a good weekend. My health was really was bad on Saturday, and worse still on Sunday, and I'm still paying for the weekend. I spend most of last night whimpering because I've been pushing myself too hard lately. I'm trying to FORTIFY and not lean on Joe because I need to stand on my own two feet, and I brought it all on myself. Worth it.

#yesallwomen rehash

A couple years ago there was a big deal thrown about this campaign called #yesallwomen. It was made to show that all women are made to feel like sexual objects. 1 in 4 are raped or assaulted. There was a counterargument that not all men are like this, and that men go through rape and assault too. I agree with that statement as well, but it doesn't take away the validity of my experiences.  I made a post on facebook and took it down the next day. Since then I have been sexually assaulted at a party, been divorced, and been to therapy. I have been made to feel uncomfortable teaching. It's not just me being overly sensitive. This stuff and worse happens to every woman every day. I don't let it control my life, and I don't ask for sympathy (May your Gods help you if you try and feel sorry for me) but I feel like now is the time to repost it. I don't do it for me, but so that other women know they aren't alone. Being raped is a ghost that haunts you for life. Society makes you feel like it's your fault for not being cautious enough. I am cautious. I've been there before, and these betrayals of trust still happen to me. For the women out there who are scared of themselves and their own experiences, you are not alone. It isn't your fault. Getting professional help dealing with my experiences is the best thing I have ever done.

"I'm not sure how much this #yesallwomen is functional, but I want to state, for solidarity sake that I was raped twice by a person I loved. I still have problems talking about it. I'm afraid for two reasons. 1: that he'll find out I told about it and he'll be angry and hurt me, or it will ruin him when he's already deeply sorry for his actions and has made up for his mistakes by being a better person (a deep hope I have) 2: That people's thoughts will echo a deep-seated fear that I harbor, a thought that several people have vocalized, that it's my fault. I should have walked away from the relationship to begin with. I should have walked away the first time. I should have walked away the second.

I told him I wanted to wait till I was 16 to kiss. He threatened suicide if I didn't. I had to pry a knife out of his hands to keep him from killing himself because I wouldn't kiss him.

I told him I wanted to wait till I was 18 to have sex. He couldn't respect that. I think what bothers me more than anything is that he had the nerve to cry after. He wanted to be held after. I hate myself for obliging.

I've had people tell me it's my fault. I told him no. I set boundaries that weren't respected. It was my fault for putting myself in a situation where they could be discounted.

About half the time I still believe them.

If you know his name, please don't say it. Out of respect for me, keep it to yourselves. The only reason I tell this story anymore is so that other girls out there know that they aren't alone. So that those girls will speak up and get help. I do it so the boys who are dating don't rape their girlfriends because they see that 10 years later they still hurt. I do for awareness.

I wore baggy cloths a lot up till I graduated college because I didn't appreciate being gawked at. I didn't like it. I wanted to blend in and not stand out. It still happened. I still got catcalled and leered at. Mom always asked me why I didn't take pride in my appearance. She asked me why I didn't want to be pretty. I didn't want to be a thing to look at. I hate that I had to wear baggy clothes like armor so that I had a chance of being seen as a real person and not an object.

More recently I was out with my kid brother, and 2 men sitting around with their children leered at me the whole time, like I was there for their viewing pleasure, and not to help my brother with his own high school hells.

I was substitute teaching with another sub, and he spent the time we should have been focusing on the students, trying to get with me.

I got catcalled in Home Depot while picking up spray glue for weapons. I was there for spray glue, not to put myself on display for the benefit of men.

I once avoided going into a flea market alone in daylight, in a decent part of town, because there was a group of men near the entrance checking me out like I was a piece of fruit in the produce department. I was afraid they would rape me.

I had a man follow me in a truck while I was walking in a parking lot trying to get my number and was only deterred when I said that I was involved.

I don't care about me. I'm strong enough now to handle it because I've lived it. I don't want sympathy. I want action to help make sure other girls don't get raped. I want action so that other girls don't have to hide themselves if they don't want. I don't want words, really. I want action.

I want BOTH men and women to stand up and correct people when they see something wrong. I want people to stand up for their fellow man.This isn't a woman's issue. This isn't a man's issue. It's a people issue.

No matter where it got its origins, the stories posted with that weird hashtag are too important to ignore. They paint a not so idyllic picture of our society. It gives us a moment to step back, think about the whys, and then start to work fixing. There is no blame on my end. I don't blame men. I do see this as an opportunity to look at our culture with a magnifying glass and tweak another aspect of this until we find something perfect."

((And yes, I am still behind on the times. I still don't know how hashtags work))

Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover

Money is important. I really hate how important it is, but it is. So I turn to financial gurus such as Dave Ramsey and Clark Howard to help me find my way. Many moons ago my friend Katt got me "The Total Money Makeover Workbook" by Clark Howard. I've skimmed through it and taken bits and pieces here and there with some success. I've always thought that Dave Ramsey is a overly religious jerk, but he has an effective method of keeping finances in line. I decided to throw all in on the Dave Ramsey financial cure.

I've started filling out the workbook. I'm going to do what it says to the letter and see if I can't get my finances in some sort of order (Going straight to paying off debt instead of throwing money into savings because of some rules surrounding disability and how much I can have in savings.

Chapter 1 was essentially "You have a problem." I hate 'you' statements. "You need to get yourself out. This book will help." This is true.

I don't like Dave Ramsey for another reason. His podcast seems to emphasize that you have to tighten the belt to the point of pain, and honestly I don't see a problem with budgeting in a treat every now and again. I just need to budget less towards treats than I usually do.

So we'll see where this crazy misadventure takes me. Who knows, maybe I'll clear up my debt in the next 2-3 years or so. That's the hope anyway. I hope to be financially independant and planning for the future by 01/01/2020.

My Cats, The Badasses

My cats surprise me more and more every day. They are the epitome of badassitue if you think about it. They give no shits about what they look like beyond what makes them happy. They eat when they want. They drink when they want. They shit when they want. Whats more, if you aren't doing something right they let you know. They even compromise with each other.

I think you have to live life like a cat to be a badass. Don't get me wrong. I love all animals. I understand dogs better (I'm a dog person) but cats have this sort of self absurdness and independence that most other animals do not have. They know what they like, even if its for the front door to stay open so they can go in and out as they please. There's nothing more my cats hate than a shut door. As a matter of fact, they can open most shut doors in this house, and even if they can't they still try. When they can't do something themselves, they ask for help, and lead us right to the problem.

This isn't just one of my cats. This is both of them.

People say that cats don't know shame, but thats not true, they just fix the problem immediatly when they fuck up so there's nothing to be ashamed of to begin with. The past is in the past, and you can't change it.

The cats do fight, but I think that's due to an age differance. Willow is 5 years old. Rowan is just about 1. (I need to celebrate his birthday come to think of it.) That's like a crochety 40 year old prima ballerina who's lived alone her whole life being shoved in a house with a frat boy teenager. It's hard on her, and Rowan just wants to play.

This post may be an excuse to show pictures of my cats. Although I stand by my reasoning, I may be a crazy cat lady.

Make up difference

I follow makeup artists on instigram and tumbler. They frequently do these half-face before and after images of them in their makeup. I decided to try my hand at it.

This is before. I probably shouldn't have smiles, but I was excited. I had just washed my face and put on my daily moistureizer.

This is the half of my face that I didn't do.

This is the half of my face that I did up perty-like.

This is a straight-on shot.

And...without the glasses:

Things I learned from this exercise:

1) I need to learn how to contour my giant schnoz. 

2) I need lipliner.

3) One of my eyes is bigger than the other.

4) my double chin says "forget contour! Loose weight!"

Pub-Rules and Stunt-Man Slammers

I used to be the kind of girl that if you dared me to do something, I'd consider myself a coward if I didn't do it. I mean, I wasn't dumb about it. There were people in my elementary school who were daring each other to have sex with others. I stayed away from that, but dare devil activity was fun and challenging. I ran around in my underwear, ate bugs, and would fight and/or wrestle anyone who wanted to. It was nothing too crazy. My friends were reasonable, but in elementary school. Though, once I had to draw a bikini on myself in lipstick. That was amusing...but mostly gross.

In high school I joined the swim team. They had this hazing ritual that I thought was kind of cute, and was mostly opt-in. You got shirts that said you had to do X whenever someone around you said Y. I missed the day they were handing out the shirts, so I went to the team captain and demapded mine. He wrote one out on a piece of paper that we stapled to my shirt. Mine was whenever someone said my name I had to do a jig. I only had one teacher tell me not to (which I still tipped my feet in a jig) At lunch I tried to get up on the lunch table...the lunch moniters were none-too-pleased on that front.

This behavior has gotten less reckless, but is still present. In high school and in college, that age where you start drinking even though it's not particularly legal, I was part of a boffer sport called Dagorhir. The premise of it is you pretend your fighting with swords and shields (or a flail and shield in my case) all day, and at night you drink in excess, much like Valhalla I suppose. One of my favorite thing to challenge the boys to to see if I was more bold than they were was a thing called stuntman slammers. You know how when you take a shot of taquilla you lick the salt, take the shot, and bite the lime? It's like that but you snort the salt, take the shot, then squeeze the lime in your eye. I thought it was fun, It wasn't like it was going to kill me. I think my personal record stands at 3 or 4. I was drunk at the time.

Most recently, I was playing pool with a friend of mine. We were playing Australian Pub Rules (Which as far as I can tell is like normal rules but you can make shit up) Now, He's one of those guys that acts like an asshole sometimes, but really would give the shirt off his back to a homeless kid saying he preferred to be shirtless since it's such a nice day out. He's an undercover softy (which I ardently admire about him)

There's this rule in Australian Pub Pool that if you don't get any balls into the pool table by the time the other gets the 8-ball in you have to run around the table with your pants around your ankles. I went in knowing this, and having the ace up my sleeve that I was wearing a thigh compression suit. I didn't mind getting drunk and loosing. Which I did...phenomenally. Oh, my friend David beat the snot out of me. I'm getting ready to drop trow, and he says that it didn't count because on his final shot he got one of my balls in. I still am left wondering if he didn't think I was tough enough to do it, or maybe he thought he was being nice to me? I mean, walking is hard sometimes, but I was having a good night that night and I kind of wanted to show off the fact I could walk due to my new pills (A fact I payed for on the subsequent 3 days or so) But he said I didn't have to do it, and although I suspected him, I didn't want to seem like an exhibitionist. Maybe he wanted to spare my boyfriend's parents from seeing what he thought might have been something a lot more risque than I was wearing (my one piece is skimpier than my compression suit)

My point is, I've always kind of liked my willingness to push my boundaries into an uncomfortable level on many fronts. This one just happens to be driven by others. I have many internal drives to get out of my comfort zone too. But it kind of hurts when I'm set aside because someone may think I'm not tough/bold/courageous enough to do something. I may seem sweet a lot of the time...but I'm a daredevil too.

Warding off Unwelcome Advances

I need a ring on my left ring finger....not an actual engagement ring, but a man-deterrent ring. These are 2 different things. An engagement ring for me is something simple and heartfelt. Normally it doesn't involve diamonds. Hell, my dream ring is something my future husband makes himself.

What I needs is something big, gaudy, and flashy to detour my adult students. The bigger the fake diamond, the better! This way when advances get too much I can start waving my left hand around when I talk, and bring my left hand to my face to highlight the fact that I have a ring and therefore off limits.

I used this technique when I sang karaoke regularly to some effect. The flirting became less serious and more playful. I just need something to keep the flirting from beginning in the first place. At the museum one of my students followed me around like a puppydog despite the fact he was with a friend that spoke English really well. She kept smiling at us and staying well ahead of us like she was trying to play cupid. I was dealing with my FND so I couldn't keep up with her. It was only slightly awkward as there weren't any outright advances. I'm there for volunteering though, not getting a man.

I NEED A FAKE ENGAGEMENT RING STAT! Something less than $30 and looks like an actual super girly engagement ring that all girls would swoon over. Something that I'll probably hate, but will intimidate men from thinking I'm available. Even if I weren't dating someone I would need this. I hate that awkward "No I'm not interested" conversation.

Gym music

I've been going to the gym 3 times a week in an attempt to get stronger. I figure if my body is more in shape it'll be better at taking care of my FND and Torrette's Syndrome. I've mostly been working on my legs for walking, and my heart for...not dieing of a sedentary life and a love of cheese. But I've also been pumping iron to get She-Hulk strong. I tried listening to podcasts to distract myself from the boredom of the gym, but it didn't really work. I paid for (I know it was bad of me, but I like supporting artists instead of resorting to piracy where I can) a 2 hour playlist of songs

My rules for the playlists were 3 fold:
1) I had to be able to exercise to them Meaning they had to have high Beats Per Minute
2) They had to be sung by women
3) They had to have empowering messages, body positive, badass, or feminist messages.

This is the list I came up with:

• "Stenka Na Stenku" Arkona
• "*** Flawless" Beyonce
• "Run the World" Beyonce
• "Rebel Girl" Bikini Kill
• "Army of Me" Bjork (This is my warm up song)
• "Independant Women Pt 1" Destiny's Child
• "Baracuda" Heart
• "Q.U.E.E.N." Janelle Monae
• "Bad Reputation" Joan Jett
• "Roar" Katy Perry
• "I Like Giants" Kimya Dawson
• "Bad Romance" Lady Gaga
• "Secrets" Mary Lambert
• "All About the Bass" Meghan Trainor
• "Bitch" Meredith Brooks
• "Raise Your Glass" P!nk
• "Get the Party Started" P!nk
• "Man, I Feel Like a Woman!" Shania Twain
• "Wannabe" Spice Girls
• "Shake it Off" Taylor Swift

If you want to suggest more, leave a comment.

A Medical Oddball

I went to a neurologist in January about him helping me with my movement disorder. I was hoping that he could cut down my FND symptoms. He can't, however he thought maybe I also had Adult Onset Tourette's Syndrome which is super rare. He started me on a Tourettes medicine, and it has made the tremors 80% better. I can actually function somewhat normally again. I still have FND, but I guess I have Tourette's too because the medicine is working so well. I apparently can still have seizures and the brainfog is definitely something I contend with regularly. The tremors haven't gone away, and sometimes I still can't walk, but the tremors are so much better! I guess I should call them Tics now? I haven't officially received a diagnosis, but I can say because the medicine has worked so well I do have Tourette's.

So let me tell you how rare it is to get Tourettes in adulthood. Normally it's a childhood disease, and it can persist into adulthood. But getting it in adulthood when you didn't have it as a kid is SUPER rare. It's rare enough that there is absolutely no information on it on the internet. I'm exaggerating. There is a little information on it, but not enough to be substantive.

Apparently the co-morbidity rate of ADD and Tourettes (as well as OCD which I don't have to any glaring extent) is pretty large. I've already been diagnosed with ADD. Which is awful at the moment. It takes a lot of focus to get anything done now-a-days. It takes so much discipline and all the tricks I know to focus. That normally means at least a minute or two between and sometimes in the middle of sentences.  I'm hoping when I go in next time I can talk to the doctor about getting some ADD medicine too. I want to write. It's the only thing I can really do well that I can make money off of at the moment.

I also still have Functional Neurological Disorder. I almost had a seizure Saturday night as if to confirm that. I'm concerned that I wont be able to teach because of the FND. I took my Citizenship Class students (who are all adults) out to a museum and it wrecked my brain. I was so foggy during the museum. I felt like my brain was made of air, and then later that night I almost have a seizure (I caught it in time with meds.) Watching all those episodes of Fushigi Yuugi probably didn't help either. Watching movement on screens is a known trigger for my seizures.

So I have ADD, FND, and Torettes. The good news is 2/3 of those are treatable to almost normalcy with therapy and pills. I'm taking the additional diagnosis as good news.

New tools make for a better blog.

I've figured out that if I post blogs from my computer I can schedule them to publish on a spacific date. What does that mean for the blog? It means I can sit down and binge blog (as I'm prone to do) and my loyal and loving readers can only get assaulted by my blog once a day instead of 10 blogs every week or so. This means you will get content daily.

I also posted a new quiz to see who reads my blog and if I should focus more on one aspect on it versus others. Please, I invite you to take it. If you're feeling very generous, comment and tell me what you like me talking about and what you don't. I never started this as a personal journal, but if my audience is mostly just my friends I'll add more personal posts. If there are other aspiring badasses out there reading my blog, I'll post more studies on badasses and techniques for badassary.

Your feedback really does help me focus the blog for the audience.

Real Life badass women

http://2015appalachiantrail.jimdo.com/

So about a year ago on my way back from a doctors appointment, mom and I stopped at a food-truck near some amazing scenery in the heart of the Appalachian mountains. While there we took pictures and had a lovely time at the visitors center. But at the foodtruck there were two hard, scraggly looking women with backpacks and walking sticks. Being the most curious bloodline on the planet, mom and I asked what they were up to. They said that they were hiking the Appalachian trail for charity.
My immediate thought was WOAH! These ladies are so badass! Not only are they pushing themselves physically, but they are doing it for a cause they believe in! I was impressed, and may have fan-girled out deep inside, but I definatly played it cool on the outside. We asked for information on their blog and they gave us a card.

I honestly didn't think much of it until I found that card amidst my stuff while I was cleaning. And so I thought I would hilight some real life contemparary badasses: Anda and Arlene who hiked the entire appalachian trail to raise money for the Societe Alzheimers Society. Words can't discribe how much I admire these women. I encourage you to look at their blog and see their crazy misadventures.

Anda and Arlene's Walk to Remember

One day I too hope to be able to hike the Appalachian Trail. I'll need to get majorly into shape, first, but I want to do it just like those amazing women and do it for a cause.

Hawthorn Hollow

This is the most recent map of my garden. I've decided that this is the first year of Hawthorn Hollow/ Hawthorn Holler (I'm not sure what to call my homestead business yet.) I'll sell extra produce from my driveway for pretty cheep, and can/jar the rest. I'll dry a lot of flowers and herbs, and have such a pretty yard too

Bad move, Dinosaur.

I've been volunteering teaching new immigrants how to become citizens on Saturdays. Today I took the students to a local civil war museum with the other volunteers.

I read too much. I forced myself to go too hard and my body's response has been to reject itself. Bad tremors sand possibly a seizure will ensue. I took the pills I need, so I hope that I won't have a seizure that puts me at September before I can drive again. I can't believe my body rejects something I enjoy so much.

Dave Ramsey and Clark Howard

I want to be debt free. I want a house, more than that, I want land. I need to stap up, tighten the belt, and get myself out of my financial hole. It's hard on disability, but I'm going to get this done. I listen to both Dave Ramsey and Clark Howard (I prefer Clark because he's not religious and nicer.) But Dave Ramsey has easy to follow baby steps that I can do.

Step 1: Save $1000
            This I can't do. They will take me off disability if I save that much. So I'll have to skip this step until I have a job.

Step 2: Pay off Debt
             This is going to be step 1. I'm going to start paying off my credit card debts starting with the card with less on it. Then I will start paying off my student loan debts. If I still have medical debt after that I'll pay that.
           
Step 3: 6 Months of Expenses in Savings
            When this step is reached I will take into account all expenses as well as how much money I use on fun stuff. Multiply it by 6 and that is how much I will save for.

Step 4: Invest 15% in Retirement
            Financial security is sexy. I seek to be sexy. If I have retirement funds I will be sexy. That is all. I will probably instead invest the max in the Roth IRA, 401(K) and other investments. Clark Howard recommends that you max retirement. I need to start retirement savings asap as I will be starting them late.

Step 5: Save for College
            Ramsey says this is for kids. I'm going to use this for me. I'm friggin addicted to school. I want to have 4 doctorates. I want a doctorate in education, nature conservation/permaculture, animal husbandry, and astronomy.

Step 6: Pay Off Home
            I want land. I want a home. I'll have it before this, but at this point I will pay off my home and it will be all mine!

Step 7: Build Wealth and Give
             I will be giving the whole time. I will give time, and energy, but at this point I will scratch my stomach and look down my nose as I give money to the causes I want, including starting a SEED school (like the one to DC) locally. I'll probably invest in my brother to open his own store because I know he'll do it well, and it will put my family in a better financial situation. I'll probably start saving to invest in my other brother when he gets out of the Air Force.

And that's the plan. It's pretty ambitious considering I'm making less than 11k a year. (FOR NOW!!)

Post apocalyptic

Joe and I are getting together post apocalyptic costumes and we don't care if there's a LARP for them or not. He has more pieces than I do. But I'm slowly bringing mine together, I've already bought a utility vest, and I have my dad's old BDUs. I'll get an old long sleave shirt at the thrift store in either grey, brown, or green. I'll weather it and put patches on it. I'll also make a cowel with detachable woll blanket. I'll sew poptabs onto the cowel as well. it will function as a hood. I'll have a nerf crossbow and I'll Rub-'n-Buff it to make it look metal like. I'll also put a laser pointer on it. I'll have a utility belt too. I have plenty of belt pouches. I just need a belt for them.

The last part I need will be the mouth bandana and the sun shade goggles. Make up-wise I'll probably do the football player under eye black smudge. I'll put my hair into pig-tail buns as well.

This picture was the inspiration for the cowel. I also liked her belt.

I love this lady's skirt and eventually I'll make something simmilar for my costume. That shoulder armor is also pretty good, I just need to figure out how to make it functional.

I love this costume, and this is the main reason I want to have a detachable wool blanket, though it looks to be a coat of some sort, I want a blanket for sleeping. 

I also think that kneepads would be nice, but I have vollyball kneepads I can wear under the BDUs. I love those kneepads.

Journals

I have 3 journals that I write in every day. 

The first is my Morning Pages Journal. Its from a book I haven't read called "The Artist's Way" by Julia Cameron. All the podcast writers I listen to do this exercise where they start their day by writing 3 pages of hand written stream of consciousness writing. The point is 1) to get the thoughts in order for the day, and 2) to get in the habit of writing every day. So I write 3 pages of journal everyday. There are no paragraph breaks, I don't focus on spelling, grammar, or sentence structure. I just write. I have to say, if nothing else, it does give me something to feel accomplished about. Writing 3 pages long hand is difficult for me. My hand cramps, I run out of ideas, and mostly I run out of time. Accomplishing this one thing everyday makes my day seem more productive if nothing else. 

More information can be found at:

http://juliacameronlive.com/basic-tools/morning-pages/

And here's my fancy journal.

The next journal is my Asatru journal. Its a passage from the Eddas and such and the author's thoughts on Asatru virtues which I reflect on and expand the thoughts of. It only is half a page to a page, but it gets my analytical thoughts moving. Plus it's good study for my religon. I refuse to blindly follow a religon of a God again. 

The last journal is one I start on the 1st of March. Every day I write down 5 things I'm grateful for 3 goals for the day, and I meditate for 10 minutes and record what happened. This has a multifaceted effect of reinforcing a grafeful mindset which seems to be the core of inner peace for me. It focuses me on setting achievable daily goals. And lastly, it becomes a record of my meditations so that I can look back and referance them.

When the year is up I'm going to rip out all the pages and put them in a binder to reference back to them if I need to. Each year will have its own binder. I feel like this way I can look back during troubling times and view my growth, or look back and see the root of some of my problems. 

Finances

I have sucked ROYALLY at keeping my financial house in order this year. It's time to tighten the belt again. I'm only allowed to buy bread, milk, eggs, and cheese till I'm out of food in the pantry. I'm also not allowed  to go on anymore internet spending sprees. One of my credit cards is maxed out, and the other is over half used. Now is my time to save more money to get more financially secure.

I have 5 major bills and one source of income. I get $900 a month for disability.
My expenses are
1) Rent $300
2) Utilities $300
3) Medical bills/ prescriptions $100
4) Food: $200
5) Entertainment $0

Now I also have a friend painting me a painting for $90 so this month I'm not spending any money on food except bread, cheese, eggs, and milk. That will cut me down to pay for my painting. I'll also cut back on electricity by keeping the house cooler and unplugging unnecessary items and also making sure the lights are turned off.

I'm hoping by the end of April to be back in the way of paying off my credit cards again. I'm also going to be hopefully getting a job. I'll also be volunteering at my friend Katie's high school esol class to learn and be able to put new stuff in my resume to fill the hole while I was unemployed. By September I plan on signing up for sub-teaching again and taking the week kids go back to school off to spend an entire week of 16 hour days writing. I'll pop some adderal and just plow through a few novels and then send them off to my various editors so I can publish by Jan 2017

I talked with Joe about my future career, and I decided I'm going to put off school until I know I can deal with it better. I'm still having trouble reading and concentrating, and I will have to do my student teaching soon too. I just wont be healthy enough to do it well. And If I can't do it well...

Instead I'm going to work up to subbing full time and then go to WGU for my teaching degree when I'm ready. It'll be much cheaper that way. In the meantime I will sub, live off disability, and write. I'll see if there are work from home jobs I can do as well.