Christmas

So Christmas happened. It was fun. I had the family almost all together…except for Noah. That was sad. Everyone liked their christmas presents. I think that counts as me winning at christmas.

I got a cpap cleaning machine for christmas from mom and dad…which makes me feel guilty. Those things run like 300 bucks. And I probably won’t use it. cleaning my cpap machine takes me less than 2 minutes as is. I tried telling dad that but he said if I just try it it will be worth the 300…so I’m going to try it. I just hope that its not a waste of money.

So the new year is around the corner. I’m going to lose weight this year. I think that will be my focus. Joe got me a FitBit so it should be easier. I want to be 135 lbs by this time next year.

Well I apparently have to run. I’ll do something more blogging later.

The most wonderful time of the year

I’ve discovered I’m a morning person. It’s something new since my FND. I went to bed at 7 last night and got up at 3 with no issues. I just wish I had energy to do what I wanted. I mean I wake up refreshed in the morning, but my energy levels burn at a constant low. Caffeine doesn’t help. Water doesn’t help. I suspect that exercise would help, but that requires a baseline energy I don’t have. I need something that will force me to exercise.

So I have off for Yule. That’s exciting. I’m planning what I’m going to do on it currently. I want to stay up and greet the sun, but that requires more stamina than I currently have, and no one to stay up all night with. I saw one of my friends on Instagram do a ritual that I think I’m going to do. She just wrote her wishes on bayleaves and burned them. That plus a fire in the backyard will be nice.

I’ve been sick all week. A sinus infection and bronchitis. I’ve missed so much work that it’s killing me. I never thought I’d love a job as much as I do. I started having dreams of taking care of my kids. Like just getting them lunch and making sure they eat. Stupid stuff like that.

Christmas is a little more than a week away. I’m excited. I love spending time with families. My family is especially beloved for obvious reasons. I can’t wait to see my granny! Even with her cancer and chemo and all of that she still came out to visit us! I love my grandmother so much!

So I’ve been bummed this past week for two reasons. The first is that I was too sick to work. I was also too sick to make it out to Joe’s family’s Xmas party. I hated it. I love his family almost as much as I love him. So missing it killed me. And missing out on work made it so much worse! I cried I was so frustrated.

So instead I watched my little pony and crafted. Eventually I was Invited to a little cocktail hour at a friends house. So I had a good weekend. It just wasn’t what I wanted.

I have two and a half days of work this week and then I’m on break. And I keep thinking, why couldn’t my sick couldn’t have waited a week. I could have worked last week and been sick on my break. I could have been recovering during Christmas. I could have used it as an excuse to skip out on mass. Well I guess it was good. If I got Granny sick I wouldn’t forgive myself.

I can’t wait to give out my presents. I love personalizing everyone’s presents to something I think they’d like. The only person I don’t think will be thrilled by their present is Joe’s dad. Man he’s a hard person to shop for.

Big day tomorrow. I get back to working!

Morning babblings

This week at work has been really hard. Not bad, just hard. The kids have been out of control. I’m to the point where I don’t want to go and see what they have in store for me today. I mean, I still love my job, but it’s been chaos all week. Luckily I’ve received no injuries so far. They seem to either fear or respect me too much for that. I’m pretty sure it’s respect. I think it’s because I’m taller than most of the other teachers aides that work in my classroom. I’m also pretty no nonsense. If they are doing something wrong I tell them to stop instead of asking nicely. I used to ask nicely, but they walked all over me. Now it’s better. I don’t know. Watch me get horribly injured today because I said something.

I’ve been doing a piss poor job at dieting. I need to eat bigger lunches and also not eat out. I ate out yesterday as an excuse to be in my quiet car for 30 minutes. I could have eaten at work. I even brought a lunch, but instead I went to McDonald’s to escape the chaos. Though on a positive note I had a salad for dinner.

I’ve gotten no chores done this week. I mean I did 3/4 of the Windows last night but in the scheme of things that’s nothing. I keep going back to my to do list and thinking “that should be done before the party on Sunday. Or I think that I need Joe’s help, and he’s been out at night all week. Hopefully tonight we can get a new rug for our living room (my Christmas present :) ) which means we can finish the living room.

I’m successful in cutting out cigarettes...well mostly. I smoked during the party this past weekend. But I had planned on that. My e cig can’t keep up with my smoking during outdoor parties. That’s going to be a hard thing to quit. Because I’m quitting entirely. No smoking while camping, no cigarettes at parties, nothing. I want to have good lungs. I’m hoping that joe will quit too one day too. It’s hard, but I want him to be healthy too.

I haven’t read a word this week. Between my weekly games on Tuesday and Thursday, and chores I just haven’t had the time. Well I guess I have had the time because I have read a lot of Reddit. I guess I need to stop lying to myself.

I have done my daily goal of duolingo. That’s heartening. Mostly it’s been review so it’s easy sauce. I am liking Spanish. It will also be important for my job. That and Arabic. But what I want to learn is Japanese. Maybe one day I’ll get there, but I need to master Arabic and Spanish first. And Arabic is coming out on Duolingo soon!!

I’ve decided this year as a Christmas gift for myself I’m going to come out of the broom closet. I’m going to post on Facebook that I’m a nature worshipping, ancestor venerating heathen. I think what will be harder is coming out to my dad. He’ll want to debate it, and I’m just not comfortable enough yet. I just don’t know if I believe in deities.

I have a cookie exchange party Sunday and my textbooks come in today so I have a lot to be excited about this week. I also have a work party and a birthday party Friday. Which means Saturday is going to be super busy with cleaning. I’m thinking about skipping game tonight to clean. I need to get the house presentable, decorated and bake the cookies for the party. Yeah. I’ll probably skip game.

So my boyfriend’s mom read my blog post about my aching feet and she’s giving me some decent shoes. I’m excited by the possibility of not wanting to die when I get home from work! She’s also given me work shirts a lot this week which is good because laundry has fallen by the wayside. Also I had to get rid of a bunch of clothes because they didn’t fit. I need to do laundry bad. I might do a few loads tonight to get me enough work shirts to make it through next week.

Next weekend is Joe’s Family’s Christmas party. It’s in West Virginia, like 4 hours away. I’m not looking forward to the drive, but I am looking forward to the party. I love Joe’s family. They are all so fun and interesting.

I’m going to post all of this months goals tomorrow I think. Writing them down again will help me do them. Now I need to get ready for work though.

Every day is a new day

I had problems yesterday keeping up with my goals. I did about half my goals but I tapped out because my feet hurt to the crying point. This isn’t unusual. Almost every day my feet hurt that much after work. It’s to the point that I wake up in the morning and my feet are killing me already. What I need are supportive shoes. I just need to find some.

So today is a new day. I’m going to stay under 1200 calories for real this time. I starved myself yesterday and paid the price after work.

Yoga I will try again this afternoon.

Unless I go to a concert... joe has tickets to a concert two hours away. It starts at 8. This means I won’t be back until 2...on a work day. I don’t think I can do it, but I don’t want him to go alone or even miss it entirely. I don’t think I can do it and still do my job though.

I don’t know. I’m not feeling particularly motivated for anything. We’ll see how it goes.

New goals

I have been super busy lately. When I haven’t been working, I’ve been doing something else: cleaning, sleeping, trying not to sleep.

I start school in January I’ve organized my binder, signed up for classes and ordered my textbooks. I’m excited for my books to come in so I can get a head start with the readings.

I’ve ordered my Christmas presents for everyone. Now I just have to make my brother ‘s and grandmothers.

I start doing yoga daily today. I decided to do it when I get home since it’s a 40 minute exercise, and I just don’t have time.

I stay at 1200 calories starting today. It’s going to be hard but I know I can do it.

I quit cigarettes completely this month.

I read 3 books including a religous text.

I start up my religous blog again.

I need to make a budget. Then I plan to follow it.

I start doing duolingo once a day.

Joe said for Christmas he might bring over his parents old treadmill for me to use. So that might be added to my daily things to do.

Essentially I have my monthly goals and I’m aiming at sleeping only 8 hours a day instead of 10-12.

We’ll see how it goes. I’m hopefull.