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Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Badass achievement unlocked

I broke into a house. Not only did break into a house, but I did it by kicking in a door!

I'll start at the beginning...I went outside to take pictures of the snow, and I locked myself out of the house...because all of the keys were in the house, i had the choice to call a locksmith, or kick in the basement door's lock...which if I did it right would only cost 6 or so bucks to replace. I guess it's really not that complicated. It took me 16-20 minutes, but I did it! 

I'm sure it's much harder on a legit lock, ha! However, I get to cross that off my badass checklist!

Now to the fruits of my labor:
I had actually collapsed and fell at this point. The snow went deeper, but I spazzed for a bit, but didn't go deeper.





Sleep pills, y u no werk?!

Took my nightly pills. There supposed to make me fall asleep. Guess what they didn't do...

But, Joe got home from Vegas and took me grocery shopping. While I was out I thought I'd try some gluten free Mac n cheese. I have no clue how it tastes, but it's probably horrible...but as I lay in bed not sleeping, it struck me how absolutely famished I feel. All I can think about is the Mac n cheese.

So up I get to make myself Mac and cheese at 10:30!

I started a new medicine for my symptoms. I was hoping for me to take my pills and be cured...

Also not happening...so I'm left feeling hungry and twitchy...I just want my pills to do what I want them to!!

Ps: the Mac n cheese wasn't aweful, but I didn't save you any...family size my ass!

Tuesday, January 26, 2016

Food and jobs

So I've been very busy cleaning and purging and starting my garden. It's going well. I'll show pictures once I'm finished.

I've also started looking into making money blogging. I'm going to be doing a review site and earning money from links to Amazon to the products and banners. Jess told me I needed a draw. She was right. I'm going to call the site "the Homeboud Heathen" and it's strictly coming to be stuff I get online. I'm buying a lot of things I've been needing around the house, but my first 10 blog posts are kinda unique and exciting. it's kinda badass:
I'll also be reviewing the blue apron foods I get.

Speaking of foods, I'm going to be minimizing processed foods. With my garden I will also be canning and pickling. As well as eating a lot more fresh veggies.

I'm going to sleep. I'm exhausted from cleaning.



Sunday, January 24, 2016

Job-2016

So, I've decided that I'm going to focus on getting better. My last seizure was on New Years. That means that barring more seizures I'll be able to drive by July. Late August is when school starts again. That means I'll be able to drive to work!

The first semester I will ease into work, only doing what I can physically do. I'll work up to full time in the city I live and the surrounding county. I plan to be at full time by December. At that point, in January I will start classes again. Student teaching will happen the following August (unless I can work with the school and system to student teach durring summer school) I'll do another semester of sub teaching and looking for a job. I'll also see if I can teach summer school. Finally in 2018 I will be a professional full fledged teacher with my own classroom!

At least, that's the current plan...who knows of it will actually happen.

Monday, January 18, 2016

Vanity, Thy name is Woman

I am naked in a warm bed after a day of productivity and self pampering.

I made a curtain, straightened the sunroom, had the worst attack that wasn't a seizure I've had in a long while for no reason. I made food, took out trash, and straightened the living room (a little). I still have 6 curtains to make, though I've at least cut them out. I also haven't finished cleaning the sunroom, but I'm half there. I was put off by that bad attack, so I'm not really kicking myself over it. I did a lot despite.

I also planned my religous blogs for the next 3 years. It's kind of rediculous. But that will be available on my religous blog. Almost all of the blogs though are prerequisite for becoming a religous leader of Asatru or Druidry. So I might, by happenstance, through my own religous exploration, become a Minester or something in the Ancient Order of Druids in America as well as with The Troth and a local Heathen Group, which surprisingly aren't mutually exclusive. I find this amusing because If I get ordained, I could do weddings...I mean...I probably wouldn't but at least it's a marketable skill I guess. Mostly, I just find it amusing. 

To cap off the evening, Alcohol, face masks, hair masks, shaving, and moisturizing. I feel amazing. I need to take my pills, floss, and brush my teeth, but I'm waiting for my hair to dry for that.

Tomorrow I plan on making another curtain, finishing the sunroom, and cleaning the kitchen. In the evening my favorite couple (and perhaps a weredeer) will be coming over for hot cocoa and a fire, and something taste for dinner.

Despite Joe being gone for a week, I'm actually having a good time.

Sunday, January 17, 2016

Face mask

I'm In my vanity, I bought some fancy mud mask to make my skin look better so I don't look as bad all the time. I kind of like the results, but the mud did not take away my blackheads or clear my pores like it said.

The stuff I used

Mixed up it looked gross...it felt like cold snot when I put it on.

My before picture. I needed a shower to begin with so...
Gross. This is after just putting it on...
After 10 minutes it tells you to clean off the dry mud. It wasn't dry so I set the time for another 10.
After 20 minutes I still wasn't dry, but I decided to rinse anyway.
My skin after was a lot softer, and that was nice.








Confidance

I may seem confident, but I'm not. I recognize that I've gotten both fat, dependant, and dull of mind after my condition reared it head. I always put on a mask of confidance, but inside I'm disgusted with myself, and I don't see a reason for other people to want to be around me.

This is especially the case with my boyfriend. He's honest, and tells me all the things that are on his mind, he says he's good with being with me and he loves me even when I'm a burden, but the disgust with myself trumps his words. I'm so scared he'll leave me that I have a back up plan if he does decide to move out. I have noticed me building walls around my emotions. I don't know how to deal with them. And because I'm distancing myself from my emotions, im getting periods of disaccociation again. This isn't good.
I mean, I'm doing all I can to improve myself, to make me a person I'd be willing to be with, but progress is slow, and I'm really seeing no improvement, and that's feeding my self esteem issues. I've been dieting, but I hate being hungry so progress is slow. It's witer, so exercise isn't frequent. Im awkward, but I started getting out for more socialization, but that's rare too. I've been making an effort to be cleaner, but I keep getting all scater brained and cleaning the wrong things in the wrong way. I'm trying to get a job, but these things take time, especially when I have such inconvieniant limitations.

I don't know. I guess when it comes down to it I can only deal with the present. I'm working on my issues. Well deal with it if Joe decides to leave me. Until then I need to do thinks that make me proud of myself. If I do that, Joe will be proud too.

Sunday, January 10, 2016

Pms!!!!

So I got depressed as result of my pms....so I put on makeup and gave myself bangs! I also made mochi and udon...

I may miss anime...


Saturday, January 9, 2016

WTF body?!?

I went to the neurologist on Wednesday. He was young, pretty, short, and kind of reminded me of Dougy Howser. It was darling, and I kind of wanted to pet him and tell him that I respected him despite his age...and when he grew up to be a gay heartthrob, I would actively seek him out to put my dick in him.

My Neil Patrick Harris obsession aside, he put me through the ringer as far as pushing me to my limits. I'm still not feeling that great because of it, and my brain is foggy as hell. But he wants what I want in this period of poor health for me...that is to aggressively take this problem and slit it's throat and hanging it out for the carrion to feast on.

That is to say, he's got a couple ideas, and I may have more conditions aside FND. We're going to try them out and see how well I do. The end goal is to get me employable. The sooner the better.

I'll start the pills next Wednesday and we'll see how well things turn out. If they turn out well I have Torretts. If they don't help me at all I don't and we'll see if there are other comorbid conditions with my FND that we can treat.

If I do have Torretts Syndrome, Joe will get his wish. I will not have babies as there is a strong genetic component. If my genes are bad, I'll not be spreading them. So if I have Torretts, score one for Joe.

I also talked to my therapist about getting a one time consult with a case manager to help get the business end of my life on track. I need help, and I might be able to get it. 

Monday, January 4, 2016

If I Were A Rich Man: A Day in the Life

So in my fantasy I am rich, not Bill Gates rich, but enough to where I don't have to worry about spending money to make my life easier. This morning while laying in bed I thought about what I would do if I were both rich and healthy. So today I shall enlighten you of that fantasy:

I wake up at around 5 am. I go out, milk the goats, the cow, let out the livestock, and collect the eggs. I'll also muck the stable really quick. Then I go to the natural pool/pound in our back yard and go for a morning swim for 30 or so minutes.

I come back into the house and shower. Then I dress and come out to a full breakfast cooked for me by a nurtritionist for my specific needs to keep me healthy and delight my tastebuds. Fresh fruit (precut because I'm lazy), eggs and/or non-pork sausage, and a dairy of some sort. I don't really care about carbs, but I love fruit, eggs, and dairy in the morning. But since it's a nutritionist making my food for me, I would bow to his culinary tastes.

Did I mention that my nutritionist is a man? He's a 20 year old Indian (Hindu) with a deep knowledge of his religion and country's history. He has a girlfriend who I think is the bee's knees since she's a double major in business admin, environmental studies, and civil engineering. Her goal in life is to build and manage a pre planned city with her boyfriend that is green and also run a for-purpose business that helps women come out of poverty and get a complete education. She's also beautiful, kind, and super knowledgeable in her fields, and has become a very close and dear friend of Joe and mine. She also has frequent talks about business with Joe that are way above my head, but still a delight to listen to. So he's off limits, but he's still a pretty looking young man and I can at least look, right? 

Anyway, after a delightful, healthy, and filling meal to jump start my body, and a wonderful conversation to jump start my brain, I go around the house and spend a little time tidying up so that the housekeeper doesn't have to do it. I've had a professional come out and help me get rid of, and orgainize my clutter so it only takes about 10 minutes. 

By the time I'm done getting ready for the day it's 10-15 minutes till 7. That's when I go to my little trailer that's on property, and open it. I great the 12-15 students I have that range anywhere from 3-12. I teach them in a very structured program that is influanced by Montessori, Waldorf, and Reggio Emilia as well as prepares them for public school system when they leave me.

Students come in and play for 30 minutes on the natural fenced in playground outside the trailer with a dog. They then come in for 2.5 hours of learning activities. Each student has a choice of 3 activities they can pick up and do for however they want for the entire 2.5 hours. I hover around, taking notes of what they pick up, how long they play with it, and their progress so that I can adjust the activities for the area s they need the most work in. I also help them and prompt them to use their brains and their tools to the fullest, as well as answer any questions. At the end of the learning period we go out for 30 minutes of gardening time. We weed, water, and check on the plant health. We also pick what fruits and veggetables we need for lunch. Then we have lunch. Depending on age, they set the table and cook the meal. We eat, then play for 30 minutes. After that, the younger kids take a nap/guided imagery meditation break and the older students do a writing project for 30 minutes and reading quietly for 30 minutes. After that we go to do another choice of three activities for 2.5 hours. After that we have snack time followed by outside play until. Their parents come to get them at about 3. I stay around for another hour to prep materials for the next day and evaluate the student's progress.

Then I go to the greenhouse and play with my plants for an hour or two. Doing all the things a good gardener needs to do to have a decent and semi-profitable garden. Then I will bring in the flock, milk the goats. I'll pet them and love on them and play with them. I'll check on my bees too. 

I come home to a delightful meal already prepared for me by a nutritionist and a well cleaned house from my housekeeper. I sit down with my boyfriend who has also just got home from work. We eat a delicious meal, and smile at each other. We talk about our days and give each other a kiss. I go upstairs and blog for 30 minutes, and write a novel for an hour.

I then take a shower to wash my body, then I go to sleep (Unless we have a function to attend, a religous event, or a volunteering thing)

The weekends I spend doing 5ks, a religous events, a LARPs, or friend camps. I'll also spend it making  new activities based on the evaluations I've made of my students throughout the week. I'll also need to clean out the cat's litter and clean the stable as well as the coop.

A few weeks of the year, probably out during the holidays, I'll do a volunteering trip for a month during the year, and a fun trip for a week every year. I will maybe eventually go to the yearly conference for his business. That's 6 weeks out of the year. I'll probably take another week or two for mental breaks. 

And that's my delightful dream. I hope I'll get healthy enough, and rich enough to do all this. One day....one day....

Saturday, January 2, 2016

Religion is Annoying

I find it difficult to rectify using my blog for self improvement and present day issues with my religious and anthropological exploration. As much fun as I'm having exploring it, it just honestly isn't as important as self improvement. 

Even so, It's still the area in my life that is making the most progress. I feel as though the knowledge I'm gaining is actually pretty important, if not for me, than for others (Because there is VERY limited information on Slavic Paganism on the Internet. I feel like it will also be helpful to referance back to it no matter what comes of the exploration, be it athiesm, a return to Christianity, or a continuation down the heathen path.

For those of you interested in my journey, I started a new blog specifically for my religous studies. You can read it at the website: elder-path.blogspot.com. I'm going to keep all my religous exploration there...

Friday, January 1, 2016

Dinosaur Prisim Power, Make Up!

So one of my goals this year, and every year, is to take more pride in my appearance. This past year it's been pretty difficult as my FND has effected my life; draining energy and making most things painful and a general pain in the ass. As I get more and more stable in my health, and used to both the pain and shaking, I am going to be looking prettier.

I started dieting to loose weight. And since I can't manage to do it on my own, I started taking diet pills. It's nothing crazy. It's some natural extract from pumpkins, green coffee beans, and raspberry leaves. It's doing its job of curbing the amount of food I eat before I feel full, so I can't complain. Hopefully, I'll loose the weight with the additional help of the pills. 

I went out and convinced to buy a microdermabrasion thing to keep my face skin pretty. I also bought some nair so I'm not hairy, and I'm using coconut oil to moisturize my skin. I'll probably buy some witch hazel to improve my face regimen as well as wash and moisturize my face nightly.

I also purchased myself an ipsy glam-bag subscription. I'll be able to try some new make ups and experiment with color pallets and what looks best on me. I'll be sharing the results here, I suppose. If you guys want to get a subscription yourself, click the link below and get your favorite badass some free makeup! 

https://www.ipsy.com/new?refer=wqchf

I've also been getting classier, less childish clothes to look more presentable when I actually leave my house. I will look so amazing! Everyone will think I'm such a badass!

What's more I also started buying sexy things so that I have a sexy confidence booster to wear around the house! 

Dinosaur Prisim Power! Make UP!