Writers holiday: chapter 6

I find myself with some free time after my I pad ran out of batteries. My days are really bleeding together. All my days are like the others. 

I wake up, drink coffee, have a ciggarette, eat breakfast, walk to the waterfront, catch Pokemon, write, come back to the hotel, write, do an activity hosted by the timeshare if it's interesting, take a billion showers, eat food, write loads more, then sleep.

I've come to the realization that I need a job, I need to quit smoking, and I need to diet. It's not just a want anymore. It's a need. When I get home I'm going cold turkey from ciggarettes. I'm calling ticket to work, and I'm majorly watching what I eat. I need to for my health and sanity.

I've also discovered that I dislike people. They just talk and talk about themselves and don't ask about the other people in the conversation. Am I guilty of this? I try to ask people about themselves...I don't know.

I think I'm going to take my pills and go to bed early. I'll hopefully wake up early to write more.

I can't wait to get home. I miss my babies. I miss their noise and chaos. I kinda miss cleaning my house too. I miss laundry and dishes. I miss my Joseph. I miss not worrying about my barking tic bothering other people.

I should finish my nineth chapter by Monday. I go home Tuesday, and I have doctors appointments Wednesday. I won't have a full novel done, but I can continue working on it after I get home hopefully. 

I need a job though. Any job will do at this point. I want a big girl professional job, but I keep getting rejected from them. Sometimes I wonder why I even try. I feel like I'm doomed to permanently work jobs a trained monkey could do. It's depressing. Maybe if I become a writer I'll have a big girl job. It's not that I want to write anymore. I used to love it, but now it's just the opportunity to maybe do something with my life instead of fading into obscurity.

Sometimes I think that the only thing keeping me from becoming a crazy cat lady in a trailer somewhere is a few little thin strings. I want a rope, a job, a marriage, anything solid, but I have strings that could break any minute. I want to stop being a useless leach on society and those around me.

Can I even work? Most days I have to take a nap at noon. My intelligence and social skills have decreased since FND ruined my life. And it did ruin it. I'll never be a teacher like I wanted, or even at all. I  was working so hard to do something with my life, then I'm knocked on my back. I keep trying to..,

Oh Jesus, listen to me talking as if my life is over! This is what I get for being alone for days at a time. I start getting mopey. 

Well I'm not going to tolerate it. My life isn't over and I'm going to try hard to get my shit together! And I'm going to start with this damned novel! 

I wrote 2000 words today, and the goal is 3000 tomorrow!

Writers holiday: still chapter 5

385 words today. 

Writers Holiday: Chapter 5

I'm starting to loose track of days. I know it's Wednesday. I know I got here on Tuesday I know there were some days before that, but now I'm measuring the days in chapters. I'm on chapter 5.

I wrote a long post with pictures, but my phone deleted it. Here's the summary

My room:

The bed is huge!!

I saw pretty places

I saw some ducks

 

I decorated a wine glass

I've discovered that the people who go to time share social events like to talk about themselves. I met a lady named Mango. She's rich. She likes to talk about all her trips. I met a couple who like food. They were nice, just talkative. 

I'm nervous about getting sued by the friends who made Earthquest with me because that's the book I'm writing.

I wrote over 2000 words today.

Now it's bedtime

Writers Holiday: Day 3

1914 words written today which is good considering that I spent most of today out with my mother. I've written. I've gone shopping, and now I am exhausted. It's time to sleep. I will post about my room and such tomorrow.

Writers Holiday: Day 2

1196 words written today.

Most of my day was running errands with mom and napping. I didn't feel well today.

But I got tippy' tacos for dinner which was a treat. It's a hole in the wall Mexican reaturant that makes a mean taco.

I'm going to sleep early. I'm looking forward to tomorrow when I check into the timeshare and can focus on my work without distractions.

I edited my outline so it's now a full 60000 word novel (estimation). That means it won't get done by the end of the trip, but I can get a lot done.

And so it begins...

I have officially started my writers holiday. I am taking a week away from distractions and I'm going to pump out the rough draft of a novel!

Since I don't have a license, my week started with dad driving two hours to come pick me up. The drive was smooth and my dad and I discussed politics civilly and without raised voices. It was a pleasant conversation, and although we have vastly different opinions we still managed to reach an understanding. I wish I could have been better at debating, but I was suffering from a fuzzy brain. 

We got home and mom made dinner despite the fact she was hurting from a pulled back and a headache. We had shrimp scampi with tomato and spinich, and it was tasty.

But I was tired so I decided to sleep. But my bed had been taken over by the dog.

The demon dog!

Eventually I got my bed back and went to sleep.

I wasn't planning on going to church the next morning, but my brother decided to sleep in and I wanted my mom to be happy so I went.

The sermon was how if you don't follow Catholic dogma you're going to hell. I patiently waded through consoled by the fact mom isn't Catholic either.

I've been dealing with my crisis of faith for a year now. And I've decided that I believe in the a abrahamic God, I just don't believe he is the god, and sometimes I don't believe in him at all. Sometimes I believe the only divine power is nature (including science). What I don't believe is in other dieties. Or do I? I don't know... I guess I'm still having a crisis of faith.

Anyway,

Brunch was productive. I sat next to a guy who kept coming up with job sites for me to apply to. He thought of a bunch I hadn't thought of yet! So when I get home I have a bunch to apply to.

When I got home I immediately grabbed my iPad, went out into the woods and started writing. It wasn't my novel because I didn't have wifi in the woods, but I fiddled around with my autobiographical fairy tail. I also made a little alter to the land spirits.

All was going well then it started pouring down rain. So after an hour and a half of clear skies...I went home...walking...in the rain. It was hilarious.

Mom met me half way in the car to drive me home. I didn't even ask her. She just did it. My mom is thoughtful like that.

When I got home I hopped on the wifi and started writing. 2182 words so far. 

My goal is 25000 words by the end of the week long holiday (Tuesday the 30th) as it starts on Tuesday the 23rd. That's a short novel at 100 pages. It's short, but it'll be mine.

Frustrated to tears

This week has been aweful. I've been exhausted and in pain. Having a ciggarette is enough to make me need to lay down. I had so many things I wanted to do this week.

I have a new exercise regimine I got from a friend Chewie:

https://www.reddit.com/r/bodyweightfitness/wiki/kb/recommended_routine

It looks like a good starter regimine with steps for stepping it up as I get more fit.

I also have a list of chores a mile long. Dishes and laundry are the most pressing.

But I am so exhausted it makes me cry. I get 9-10 hours of sleep a night, but I still need a nap in spite of so much caffeine.

What do I do to fix this? What can I do? At the end of the month I'll be talking to my doctor about using a pill called modafinil. They use it to help people with chronic fatigue. I'm hoping it will give me the energy I need and maybe help with my ADD.

But what should I do in the meantime? I can only try to at least do a load of laundry and a load of dishes and be happy with that as productivity. And tomorrow I will try working out and walking.

Try hard to get shit done, no matter how hard.

Dream home: Workshop

The workshop is not my domain, but even if I'm on my own I intend to have one. Joseph is the keeper of the workshop. All I really know is that I have to have one. It will be separate from the house. Again, it will be well insulated and climate controlled.

Everything has its place and magically goes there after working with it. Joe already has something like this drill holder, and I love it.

There has to be a window letting in natural light. I think I may be obsessed with natural light.

One thing that the workshop will have is a sink It doesn't need to be fancy it just needs to be durable. I get really irritated when I'm painting to have to come inside to clean the brushes thoroughly. Or when I get stain on my hands there's nowhere to really clean them. A sink is necessary.

Dream Home: Office and Library

The office/ library of my dream house is actually connected to the master bedroom. It's smallish, but well organized.

I use the wall so much for my office currently. Having tools on the wall frees up desk space. Although I like desktops, I really like laptops more. All the room I'd need for my computer would be limited.


The other walls would be filled with books. I'd only want one window, however. A wall of books and a recliner to read them in under the window. The only thing that really matters for me is the built in shelves. I want them to be floor to ceiling shelves.

Dream home: The Upstairs

The upstairs of my dream house is rarely used unless I have an accidental spawn. The only time it's really used is when guests need to spend the night.

The stairs follows the pattern of the foyer: elegant but whimsical. A curved stairwell would be nice, but a boxed stairs would be good too because then I could build a slide to mount half the stairs


The upstairs hallway is a balcony overlooking the living room. The floors would be wooden and the walls an accenting cream.


The doors to both bedrooms would be half doors. This allows privacy while still hearing what happens down I. The living room. It also is good crowd control for children.


The first bedroom would have a classy outer space theme. It would have a navy blue and gold mural over the bed.



The ceiling would have that same navy and gold with exposed rafters.


The bathroom is a little childish. It's dinosaur and caveman themed. The shower has a dinosaur silhouette curtain


And a fossilized dinosaur shower head.


The sinks are stone basins, and the art on the walls is framed cave art. If we had spawn it would become more childish, but without them it is playful yet elegant.


The second bedroom is a woodland theme. The decor on the walls is an abstract watercolor and perhaps branch picture.


There are real wood accents all over the room.


Including a body mirror which reflects all the natural light.


That's all if accidents don't happen...
AND IF SPAWN HAPPEN:

The baby will sleep in our bedroom till it sleeps through the night. Then it will be moved to a Montessori style bedroom. The point of Montessori is all tools are made for kids. This means a kid sized closet that the kid can choose clothes from, a reading corner, and a few stuffed toys.


The bed itself is z small house. This is the kids house to make its bed and look at itself in the mirror beside it. I also like the dangly bits in this picture.


And then the second room becomes a lord of the rings themed playroom. I'd say it's for another kid, but I only need one accident before I learn my lesson.

The room would be sky blue with a white tree of gondor mural.


There would be a lot of natural light and a grass of different texture play rug.


On either side of the door there would be horse carvings


And on the wall opposite the door, above the shelves would be a map, or a poster from lord of the rings.


The kid wouldn't have many toys, but a stick horse would be one of them.


And this, because it's versitile.


The shelf would have the rest of the kids toys, as it got older it would also include Montessori bins that are similar to what it has at school. I imagine the shelf larger than this, holding 12 cubbies.


And the kid will have play silks instead of dress up clothes. Imagination is more important than accuracy at a young age.


This is how I imagine the other furniture to be. I'd love for the lofted area especially.


And because I always wanted one. The kid would have a ball pit. Maybe with a rock climbing wall in it.

Like this but smaller scale

Dream Home: Front Yard, Foyer, and Livingroom

So more on my dream house. This is the Front Yard, Foyer, and Living-room edition.The general theme of the front yard is classy yet whimsical. There are a lot of tit-bits and details that make the front yard fun. The living room, however, is very lodge-like as it incorporates the unfinished beams and open design from the bedroom and the kitchen as well as a stone fireplace.

The path leading up to the house is fun and a bit childish. Overall it draws the eye to the path and makes it pleasant.


There are fun details like fish floating in the grass


And wisteria creeping over the patio. I love wisteria. I love the way it looks, and I love the way it smells. I can't imagine my joy coming through the front door and smelling such amazing things.


Pots overturned with fragrant flowers or pretty flowers such as lobelia. I'd also have my red lilies that I've had with me since graduation out front.


There must be a front porch swing! I love moving chairs, and nothing so much as swings. I don't think it would have 4 posts, more likely it would only have two, but either way I could rock myself in the mornings with a cup of coffee.


Again, moving chairs are important. So I need rocking chairs out front. That way if my friends want to join me in the moving chair business while they are over parting.


Another whimsical detail that I thought was cute.


I like to have a durable and plainly visible house number for friends who have not been over our house before. This was something cute and something I could easily make. Makeing things for the house adds character to it.


I want a unique door that accents the front yard. It needs to be both whimsical and classy.


I'm going to have the front door knocker of my childhood home. Don't let my brother tell you he's getting it, because it's going to be me. It looks a lot like this except brass and prettier.


The Foyer is going to be fancy yet still slightly whimsical. The walls will be a sky blue with gold accents.


There will need to be a table in the foyer for important things to be put on. I want it to match the walls.


And then there will be my dream: The mirror wall. This will be only one wall that will make the foyer seem bigger than it actually is, as well as spreading natural light all over.


The living room is the first room after the foyer. It is full of wood and natural light. Therefore there will need to be lots of windows! I absolutely adore wooden rafters!


Then there needs to be a great stone fireplace with a gas fed fire. This way I can sit curled around it in the cold winters when the house is frigid.


The downstairs bathroom will be stone and plants. It will also use the grey water system to save on the water bills.