busy bee

So I've started working at Walmart. It's enjoyable and very relaxing. I work with 3 people at the gas station and I really enjoy them. I work with D. D is the mother of one of my former students. She is fun, nice, and quirky. A. is a Vietnam veteran and full of amazing life experiences. N. Is well...he likes to talk. He reminds me of a more talkitive version of my youngest brother. It endeers me to him, but if it weren't for that he'd be a bit annoying. He and A. Get into arguments a lot, and talk behind each other's backs. 

Also, I earned my first nickname: Chirpy. The guy who gave me the nick name didn't like me because I was to perky all the time. I endeered myself to him by talking about metal music and how we were supposed to go on a metal cruise a few years back.

Anyway, I also signed up to sub at a school like the one I used to teach at. It's a school for students with special needs who don't fit in with the public school system. I worked my schedule to work there Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I'm hoping Walmart will still give me 40 hours because subbing is unpredictable.

I'm still applying to additional/ other jobs. I'm also still intermittently working on masks and TpT plans too, just very slowly.

Mostly I've just been trying to relax and get my house under control. I'm hoping to do that tomorrow. I have to clean my bedroom and bathroom, do some dishes, clean off the kitchen table, clean up the living room floor and lay out a rug. Should take me 4 ish hours. I have to get fingerprinted for the subbing gig. That should take an hour. The rest of my day will be spent making masks, baking, (banana bread, regular bread, and buttermilk biscuits) applying for jobs, and making some TpT materials.

I started thinking about weight. Cody is getting us a stand up freezer. That means on days I'm too tired to cook, I can just pop a frozen casserole in the oven. I've also discovered that I can make ricotta and sour cream from home. Also, I've made my own butter. Anyway...I'm really getting into the whole "cut processed foods" notion. And next year there will be a garden so...maybe it will help me loose some weight. Maybe it won't. Either way...it still takes better.

I'm going to start in on the exercise bike for 20 minutes before my morning showers. With any luck I'll start getting stamina. 

Cody and I will be starting martial arts come January. I'm hella excited.that should improve my strength, cardio, and flexibility. It's expensive, but should prove worth it.

Oh, a trick that worked really well for me in the past was activating my core. Thy and get it activated as much as you can for as long as you can at every point of the day.

I'm going to sleep now so I'll write more tomorrow 

Altar Plans

I have decided that I want a nice altar. I want cabinets below, and a recessed shelf above with doors

Like this:

but more narrow and with cabinets instead of drawers. And glass doors on the upper shelves. 

I want the bottom cabinets for storage, obviously. The area behind the glass shelves I want for statues and display pieces...like:

something to remind me to be a warrior. To fight for myself and those around me.

something to remind me to be as nurturing as the earth-mother. I particularly like this statue in particular. Venus of Waldorf is a historical artifact.

i may not be Wiccan or a druid, but I like the maiden, mother, and crone for two reasons: 1) they remind me of the Norns. 2) I majorly identify with the crone.

My primary dieity that I like is Frigga. I find her inspiring and I strive to show how much like her I can be.

Id want a figure to represent Jack, but since Jack is pure white no matter which form he takes, I would have to paint something like this white.

The cabinet top would be used as my working altar. I'd have my offering glass and plate, insense, and my Book of Shadows.

It's a major investment, but I'm more likely to use something if it's organized.

Work

This is why I don't blog during the week and why I put in my 2 weeks on Friday:

What the school expected:

21.5 hours with my students

8 hour on lesson plans

10 hours on making assessments and materials

2 hours on IEP paperwork

5 hours on emails and research

Grades: 5 hours

Total: 57 hours

$ per hour(not factoring in time.5)- $19

What actually happens:

30 hours with my students (because of behaviors and lack of staff)

4 hours on behavior reports

8 hours on lesson plans

10 hours on making assessments and materials

2 hours IEP work

5 hours on research and emails

2 hour on trainings/meetings

5 hours covering for absences/lack of staff

5 hours grades

Total: 71 hours

$ per hour(not factoring in time.5)- $15

Ideal:

21.5 hours with my students

10 hours lesson planning AND creating materials/assessments

3 hours on emails/research

2 hours on reports

1 hour iep work

2.5 hours on grades

Total: 40 hours

$ per hour(not factoring in time.5)- $27

I have a Master's degree and I'm human. I should either be making way more money or putting in less time. Is it any wonder I'm burnt out?

Productivity

I got a lot done today. I cleaned the boxes out of my car, cleaned a bunch of dishes, spent almost an hour having a heart to heart with daddy, began straightening the livingroom, applied to a job, are brunch (egg and tofu breakfast stir fry made by cody), drove him to the duck, dropped stuff off at the dry cleaners, packed up all my stuff from school except for my desk and walls, picked up some deoderent, cleaned off the dining room table and bar, cleaned up my office area, set up 2 of my 4 calendar areas, (the monthly at a glance, my year long calendar, the kitchen calendar for the whole house, and my planner),made an enamel pin display (I will show pictures when I am finished tomorrow), ate an amazing dinner (cody made roast beef, balsamic brussel sprouts, smoothed purple taters, and gravy. I talked with him about my family and how much I love and miss them.

Today was good.

Something not so good, however, is the realization that I have so much work I have to get done. I have zero grades in the gradebook. I have not been tracking IEP goals, and I have to write an pre-iep form for a student I haven't been able to assess because of extreme behaviors. All of it is due before I leave and I'm not sure I'll be able to get it all done. Then I really want to set the person who comes after me's success.

It's just too much work. I wanted to clean more and maybe get some masks done tomorrow...and I will...I just also have to get started on things.

Anyway, I'm off to sleep. I'm having a hard time keeping my eyes open 

2 Weeks

So I went to the psyciatrist today. He seems both knowledgeable and very kindly and presenable. However he did ask if I had Aspergers. He said I seemed to be exhibiting a lot of the patterns and behaviors that lend themselves to the diagnosis. I just looked it up because I'd never done research on it before...I have some symptoms,. Hyper focus/obsessions, sensitivity to sound (for me it's not the volume it's competing sounds like two people talking at once...it makes me irrationally angry. I also have a hard time having close friendships. I haven't had a best friend since my former best friend joined a cult (amway) and tried to get me to join one too many times. But he says that's a long way off. Pressing problems first.

My antidepressant is getting upped.

Also, I put in my two weeks today.

It's 7pm an I've almost fallen asleep typing this more than once.

Tomorrow his have 

a report

Job hunting

Cleaning 

Then helping my boyfriend move. I may spend Sunday making masks for my business. 

Also started budgeting. Will need to research credit repair compnies.

Sleep time.

Two Years

Two years...it's been two years since I last posted. I have been dating Cody for a bit longer than that. I have had two jobs...soon to be more. I'm having a FND flair because of the emmense stress I'm under. I'm putting in my 2 weeks on Monday. Taking a pay cut...and working at Walmart...till I can sub teach at a new school and hopefully get a teaching job there.

I'm going to use this time to work on several projects. I'm starting up a mask making business because, oh did I mention we're in the middle of a pandemic that the US is not taking seriously? I'm also going to start posting stuff of Teachers pay Teachers. A lesson plan for each SOL and ASOL. I'm also going to get my house cleaned...let's be honest, I'll be working 40 hours a week instead of 60-70. I can get a lot done.

Oh, and the world is going to shit...so there's that too. Plague, riots, a racist president...you know...the usual stuff.

Some things I'm going to be talking about in the coming weeks:

 

My weight. I'm almost 300 lbs now, and although I do not believe that fat =ugly. I also do not look how I want to.

My health. Related to my weight, I need to improve my cardio, strength, and flexibility. It would be nice to go up the stairs without getting winded, do weird kinky positions, and lift heavy objects on my own. 

My mental health. I've started Therapy. I have a psychiatrist appointment tomorrow, and I will need to do a lot of shadow work to figure out how to get rid of my codependency issues without swinging too hard in the other direction.

My FND. As stated, I'm having a pretty aweful flair. Almost had a seizure on Tuesday. Walking where I need a walker when not in the house (I can grab onto stuff as I walk here) and speaking issues. Screens bigger than my phone make my brain feel fuzzy. I have an appointment on the 7th to work through this.

Cleaning and hygiene. I have made huge strides in this area. Still need to improve. Showering 5x a week and brushing my teeth about once a week. (It was daily before I started working 70 hour weeks)

Reading. I got a new Kindle and started reading again. I'm making a point to read more minority authors. I'm reading for pleasure again. I'm going to be doing more of it.

More badassness. I want to do more research on badasses through time. Like really dig into their flaws as well as their virtues.It may help me examine myself less critically.

Adventures. I want to go somewhere I've never been before at least once a month.this doesn't need to cost money. Maybe a hike to an old ruin or a picnic in a park I've never been.

Hobbies. It's been a hot minute since I've had time for hobbies. I'm going to be seeing and creating fun lessons. I'm going to craft if the mood takes me. My main hobby will be decorating my house.

Giving back. I want to start volunteering...once a week is too frequent, maybe every other week? My Community Place is a local community center that helps out with the homeless population. I might look into helping them out. Won't have money for donations, but I might have time.

Moral code. I need to refine and improve on my weaknesses as well as celebrate my strengths.

Chores. Although I'm getting better at chores, I need to improve. This will be an outlet for personal analysis of methods that work and do not work.

Business. I'm starting a business...well, two if you want to get technical. I'm making masks (I've already started. I'm almost done with my first 20) and making a passive income on Teachers pay Teachers. I mean, I have to write lesson plans anyway. Might as well make some money off of it.

Religon. I have fallen off the religion bandwagon. Not for lack of interest. I just haven't had the time to do any shadow work, spells, research, or even minor rituals. I want to make a point of being more spiritual. I always felt more confident in life when I really knew what I did and did not believe and celebrated it.

Money. I've become so bad with money...like super aweful.  I guess I got burned out on being poor. I spent 18 years mostly comfortable in life. Then I got poor. Deciding whether to eat or pay rent has been a legit choice for me in the past. after shit hit the fan with Joe I gave up. Now I cannot save. I do not budget. I just spend. Setting up a budget is my second priority because...

Debt. I am massively in debt with collection agencies calling on me all the time. Most of it is medical. I went to the psychiatric unit for a week and a half for suicidal tendencies and I had ankle surgery...both while uninsured. I was too depressed to pay the bills so I didn't. I'm paying for it too. My first priority is calling a credit repair company and getting my debt in order. Also student loans...which have been put on hold till after the plague is less serious. So there's that too.

I'll keep you all informed about the job process too. I'm applying to the jobs tonight. I've spoken with both the managers, and unless I severely fuck up...I have those jobs in the bag. Resignation letter is on Monday. I will work for an additional 2 weeks then I'm starting the new gigs. I'm not going to smack talk my job on here though. But we are having staffing issues, and I've been working between 60 and 80 hour weeks. It reached a head when my FND resurfaced and I had the thought: "I don't want to be a teacher anymore." Which is rediculous because I love teaching.

Anyway, that's whats heading your way in the next few weeks. Till then...