Redo

I often wonder what my life had been like if I had taken a different path. There are four main things I would change if I could. They would have changed my life in drastic ways.

The first is I would have gotten better grades in school and gone into the Air Force academy on my path to become an astronaut. I wanted to be an astronaut so bad as a kid. I would gladly trade everything I have for 6 months in space. If I would have focused on grades I wouldn't have been raped. I would have been able to fly. To feel the freedom of flight would have been amazing. Plus I would have been following my father's footsteps which would have made him proud of me. I would be fit and healthy. I would have been financially stable from the get-go. Plus, space! And respect! And freedom!

The second thing is I would have never have dated Alex in high school. That was the worst experience of my life and that includes my FND. It was a toxic relationship and I have never cried so much or so often in my life, then and afterwards. I loved him, and he cut me deeper than anyone before or since. Him dumping me was the best thing he ever did for me.

The third thing is, barring becoming an astronaut, in college I would have gone into education right off. Nothing much would have changed except I would have known my path from the start. I would have been financially stable, and emotionally stable coming out of college. Maybe my marriage would have gone better with being financially independent.

The last is I would have never gotten married to begin with. Mark is a good man, but neither he nor I were ready for marriage. I knew marriage was forever, I just didn't realize what forever entailed. And coming out of that relationship was one of the best decisions I've ever made. However, if I could go back I would have never married him to begin with. I would have had the relationship with him, but let it end where it ended without the marriage involved. I had some amazing times with Mark. I had some shitty times too, but those amazing times outweigh the bad. And it was really bad in the end, but mostly because we were married.