Exhaustion

Days are getting shorter. I feel the cold weather seep into my bones. My tremors have been bad this week, and I've been exhausted and in pain. But that doesn't mean I'm not getting stuff done!

I've been showering and brushing my teeth more regularly. I even started flossing! I'm still not at the level of hygiene is like to be, but that will come as I learn how to better adapt my life.

I started on a quest to loose 50-60 lbs. I sat down for 2hours and made a food plan. It has 5 servings of veggies and protein and 3 servings of carbs and fruit. All of which is between 1200 and 1400 calories. I've been having problems keeping too the schedule, but I've still managed to be under 1400 cal a day. I keep reminding myself to strive for progress not perfection.

My wheelchair will be in around the 16th and I can hardly wait! I'm planning on going for a roll everyday, and Joe said he wants to join me! I'm going to start easy. There's a square route that is 4ish blocks in the neighborhood around my house. A lot of it is up hill. I'm going to do that until my arms are strong enough to do more.

I've also started exploring my options as far as employment. I'm thinking a work at home thing where I can do customer support via text chat. It wouldn't be anything fancy, just something to kill time in my off hours and still make a little money. Something where I don't have to talk...at all. Talking is hard.

I did apply to a job as an inventory person. It was a part timer, but someone else got hired. 

All in all I need a job that is simple, straightforward, and doesn't involve a lot of talking. Ideas welcome.

I think I'm going to sell my car. It's so much paperwork to keep, I can't drive it, and won't be able to for a year or more, and that extra money can be put to better use paying bills. I'm still on the fence about it. I'll need to talk to my dad.

IVe also decided that there are two chores I need to do daily; clean the cat litter and dishes. We'll see how that goes.

National novel writing month has begun! I'm planning on having 1 novel complete by December! The one I'm working on is about 3 high school students who fight the paranormal. It's simple, and not a well thought out piece, but it's something. And who knows. I could put it up on kindle marketplace and make a few bucks in royalties. If "Black Eyed Kids" can make a buck on kindle being very poorly written, perhaps I can make a bit on my crap writing. Plus, I always wanted to be a published writer. Maybe if I actually finish, I'll pop out a book a month in this series. I may even do a few more of my stories besides. 

Maybe that's what I'll do with my life; become a writer like I always wanted. There's no better time to start.

On a side note, I'm having a really big crisis of faith. I went to bible study with my neighbor and aunt Doris. They were going over the book of Joshua. You know, when god commanded the genocide at Jericho. Then I realized that that's not the first genocide in the bible...I always had problems with it as s feminist, but with the genicides...I just can't worship and believe in such a bloodthirsty and oppressive diety. I know in my heart that there's a creator, a master planner for the universe. I know he is the embodiment of love and beauty, if he's a he at all, but beyond that, I'm at a loss.

My loyalty to God also kept me in a marriage that should have ended a lot sooner. I guess I have that as a personal grudge too. So there's that.

We'll see how this crisis of faith progresses. I'll be doing research and seeing what strikes a chord. Who knows, maybe I'll reconcile myself as a Christian and not have to disappoint my parents too much.