Zen and the art of wheelchair maintenance

Well...this whole time I've been searching for a wheelchair to test out the whole "should I get a wheelchair" thing there's been one in my basement. It's the landlords and from the 50s. I didn't even register it because it's a transport wheelchair with a full back. Something like this:

But I went downstairs (which I don't like doing because the walls aren't very supportive on my climb down) to the basement to see if there was some way to modify it till I could get a real wheelchair. Joe is leaving for 10 days starting this week and I was hoping to test out my independence while he was gone.

I'm glad I did. Turns out that high back was just a add on thing. I took it off in a matter of seconds! It was dirty as sin, old as my parents, but I had joe take it upstairs so I could clean it.

My god, was it dirty...

But after peeling off spider egg sacks and 30-40 years of grunge, I ended up with a solid, wheelchair that works pretty well.

It's not perfect. The leg rests are clunky and won't lock in place. The tires are too smooth to have much traction...but I have a wheelchair to test if buying a new one is worth time. It's also 50 some odd lbs. To give you an idea, even the clunkers on the market now are 30 lbs. the one I want is 18-15 lbs. my arms are going to get so big!

I'm going to be testing it out it big girl world tomorrow. The halls in my house, as well as the doorways are incredibly narrow, so my indoor test run went poorly. That's fine. I don't want the wheelchair for around the house. It's easier just to hold onto walls and fumble around. Plus I like the fact that I can walk unaided (most of the time) in our house.  It's when in outside and I need human support or my walker, and I can feel my legs giving out on me...I want the wheelchair for other things...for freedom outside my house...

So that's exciting.

In other news, my hair has pissed me off enough for me to change it...that was a lie. The truth of the matter is, I sat down to work on feeling emotions, which I've had a hard time doing lately. It worked. It sucked. I remember why I don't like having emotions. All I have are bad ones. The ones that don't help me. Well in response to those bad feelings, I feel the need to overcompensate with a badass change to my hair....and happy colors...So I'm going to do something happy and badass. I don't know what yet, but it's going to happen.

I feel like Holden Caufield from Catcher in Rye whenever I have feelings, all dark, stormy, chaotic, and lonely. I don't like them. We'll see what therapy has in store for me Tuesday. Until then, I've cut the floodgates to those icky things. I've had enough of their hurty hurtness for a while.