Drunk moment of weakness

So, I've been a champ while joe has been gone, and normally I don't get weepy about being without my boyfriend. I mean, 90% of my relationships have been distance relationships. 10 days is nothing compadres to that.

Still, Jess brought over champagne and then we did girl talk till I was exhausted.

Now she's gone, im drunk, I'm tired, and I miss my boyfriend. There I said it! I'm not crying or anything (not about that anyway) but I really miss him. Mostly I miss his voice and his laugh and his adorable bushy beard. He's out of the country though so he can't call me. It makes me miss him more. I'm a sap I guess. I don't like being without him.

But I'm full of good things. Happiness at all the support I've received at the "go fund me". 

Something about being sick shows you who cares and who doesn't. Sometimes the truth surprises you. Sometimes it hurts you.

It's puta giant wedge between my best friend and I. It hurts that she hasn't even researched my condition. It hurts that she thinks diet, exercise, and the power of will will make me better. I hope she never has to count her spoons. 

It's brought mom and me closer together. I get her better now than I ever have before. All the times I've explained why mom was the way she was was always with compassion, but no understanding. We have had serious talks about coping skills.

I don't like feelings. I hurt. I want Joe. I'm going to go to sleep and dream about being a princess who can turn into an invincible dragon again. I liked that dream...well except the nightmare part where the evil queen killed everyone I ever loved.

But at least it wasn't a total nightmare this time. Bright side!