I did some more research on wheelchairs. The one I want is a fixed frame aluminum base. It weighs 20 lbs. the problem is its $1600. I need to figure out if it's worth the investment. I need to figure out how long I intend to use it. If it's going to be a staple of my classroom teaching, it'll be worth the investment. If either my great aunt or grandmother will use it after I'm done with it, it will be worth the investment. As they both will eventually move in with my parents who will be moving to Harrisonburg...this may be a good option. Actually, that might have sold me on it. Even if I don't use it for a long time, my family still might.
I discovered I need to go to the department of social services to get my medical insurance figured out. I'm on disability and I don't qualify for insurance? Something seems strange about that. If I have to lower my income with disability so be it...my medical bills aren't paying themselves, and I can't work yet to pay my bills. (I'm hoping within the next year)
It's disappointing. I asked someone I care. Deeply about for her approval with using the wheelchair. I got a platitude. Some people just don't understand conversion disorder. I'm trying to find ways to succeed...to become a positive productive member of society, and for some people, the fact I'm not succeeding quick enough means I'm not trying hard enough. I'm not pushing hard enough. The fact it's someone I love and care for makes it hurt more, and honestly kind of makes me want to hide myself away. To know that if someone I love thinks I'm in control of this...means that other people feel the same but are less vocal about it.
I wish I could control it. I wish I was faking. I wish I could jump up and call disability and say "thanks for everything. I'm all better now. I'm going to get my old job back, go back to school, and move on with my life. I'll pay you back through taxes! Peace!" But that's not happening. I'm doing the best I can with the cards I've been delt. It'll take me a while, and I may never be 100%. But I am trying every day to get better.
On a lighter note:
I also planted some jasmine seed. For some reason, the cuttings of jasmine I brought in from the back yard covered my table with seeds. I'm alright with this as it means I get to nurture a young jasmine plant from sprouthood.
I started making the cats a floor scrather. They like horizontal scratching, and we have a lot of unused boxes. It shouldn't take me more than 2 or three more hours of gluing them together.
I also decided I'm going to start reading and posting it to YouTube. I've gotten fluent enough to be understood by an audience. I still stumble, and my comprehension is (although much better) still shite. But my fluency is pretty good, and I can use it as a way to encourage myself to speak without my accent. The firt book I'm reading is "Alanna" by Tamora Pierce.
I also finished a short novella (it may have just been a short story. The font on my kindle was really big) It was called "Gears of a Mad God" I forgot who it was by. It's hardly important though. It tried to be steampunk meets Lovecraft, but it failed to deliver. It kind of reminded me of a campy show before it realized it shouldn't take itself too seriously. At least the writing was decent, though. I still had to reread a lot, but I made it through.
And Joe seems to really be liking "Sabriel" I have a lot of problems retaining and comprehending what im reading, but my fluency is kicking ass! No more sweating to get through a chapter. Instead, I loose about 30% of the content of what I read. And I don't reread passages when I'm reading to joe unless I need to. Mostly I rely on my memory of what the book says.
I wish I had someone to help me with my medical stuff. Not the paying...but dealing with disability, financial aid, Medicare, the different doctors, bills, and all the non recovery stuff that marches on as if I weren't trying to get better. I wonder if I can get an advocate...a social worker of some sort, to help me get through this stuff. Call the people I need to call when I'm speaking in tongues. (Which seems to me about 40% of my spoken word right now) I'll talk with my therapist about it Thursday after group.
I'm not looking forward to group...
I'm sorry about your friend. Sometimes even people who care a lot about you and mean very well can have a hard time dealing with a friend's disability. I'm sure her reaction is more about how she's dealing with those things than how you are. How you are dealing with things is being a badass rockstar and getting it done. <3
ReplyDeleteSo I think actually what you've got there is a type of clematis that is locally called jasmine, which is why it splooged everywhere. But it's a great plant. When we would sell it at the ranch, it was called "Autumn Snow."