Trouble

There has been much badness so far this year in my life. I try to make it seem like a positive, and do successfully most of the time. The most major badness so far is I loose my disability with almost no notice. I found out half through January that my February check wont be coming in. This means a lot of things. First starting immediately I have to work full time which 1) I'm still dealing with exhaustion (I fell asleep running on the treadmill) 2) I don't get paid till the 1st of March for all my hours from Jan 15- Feb 15. That means February is a complete blackened zone when it comes to money. 3) There have been hardly any subbing job calls. How am I supposed to work full time if I can't get the jobs? 4) No more insurance at all. That means I'll have to pay for birth control, all my regular pills, and any doctors appointments I need.

Funny enough I'm not stressing too bad. Like, I should be panicking. I'm not though. Sure I recognize some hard times are coming, and I'm pulling the belt tight like I should, but I really don't care. Maybe it's a sign of all I've been through, but I really will survive even if I get kicked out of this house because I can't pay rent. I have a community and people I love who will help me. Not the least of which is my parents who will probably be funding my February living expenses. I mean I'd rather not have to deal with any of this, but I know everything will turn out alright.

I had my first full day of work, and I did well. I have my next scheduled day on Friday. I still really need to work on classroom management...

I want to get a sleep study as soon as I have insurance. I mean I fell asleep on a treadmill...while running. And this isn't the first time I've fallen asleep at the gym. I hope it's a simple thing like I need to exercise more to build stamina, and not something like narcolepsy. Can I trade my body in for a new one yet?

Good news though, I started the year at 220lbs. I am now down to 208.6. It's the small victories.