Limits...a rehash

Apparently I'm bad at limits, and it's hard to not push myself too hard. Yesterday I made 5 meals from scratch and proceeded to have a pretty bad seizure. I'm sick of not being able to do the things I love! I love cooking. It helps my family. It's fun and creative!

So today I feel like shit. So I decided to do a little self destructive behavior. Instead of skimping on my highly addictive anti seizure pills and took more than usual alieve (still less than what's recommended on the bottle), I'm using them more (still less than what my doctor prescribed). I also decided to have a small glass of wine and some cranberry goat cheese as I watch sailor moon.

So because I feel like shit, today is an emotional self care day, and to hell with my body. 

Honestly I'm kind of fed up with this disability. I'm angry and frustrated. I just want to be normal again. I want to be in school. I want to read. I want to craft. I want to work. I want to unpack all my boxes from when we moved months ago. I want to go grocery shopping by myself.

A day of vices won't kill me, though I might get a little drunk and my antidepressants won't work as well tonight, but I'm not overdoing it: only a half glass of wine, and I need to feel like I'm not disabled.

So here's to a night of treating myself and remembering what freedom felt like: