What I am not.

I went to a Wiccian Ritual tonight. It was nice. The people were nice. The ritual itself was nice. It wasn’t my thing I think. I mean there were certain elements that I liked and enjoyed, but there were things I definatly didn’t. Mostly the whole “Goddess” thing. It just didn’t ring true.

One thing I liked was a message. One of the group member’s passed this year. Aparently she had a list of things she wanted to do, but never did. The ritual leader spoke about how you never know when you’re going to die, and you have to live your life unabashedly. I also met a guy who said he had a spiritual death and rebirth recently. He was really annoying, but I understood that part of what he was talking about.

A part of me died when the past year. The whole being bedridden thing really did point out my own frail mortality. There were certain parts of me, mostly fear and pretentiousness, that died. I live my life saying yes as often as I can. I want to be an active part in my own life and not play a passive roll, not because of obligation, but because of a genuine thirst to experiance. Or at least that’s what I’d like to believe.

Something that rang true was calling the ancestors. I think I’m just really a family girl. Family is very important to me. I don’t think I’ll ever have a family that leads to me being an ancestor. I’d have to spawn for that. I’ve discovered I just don’t want that. I like my freedom a bit too much. Hopefully one of my kid brothers will spawn or adopt. Hell, maybe I’ll get married again and have it stick. I at least want a partner to go on adventures with, to learn with, to savor the amazing parts of life.

I’m wired on caffine. I want to dance around a fire. I want to drive to somewhere new and explore. I want to drink wine with my friends and live.

I think that’s the feeling I came back from the ritual with. I want to live.

Okay, so I have this feeling. I’ve scratched something off my bucketlist this week (Carve a pumpkin). I got news that I I get to cross off another one this year (Go on a cruise) What else can I do to facilitate this feeling in my life. I believe I do this by accomplishing goals.

2016 Goals:
1) Quit smoking (Starting Nov 1st no more ciggarettes.)
2) Lose weight (be 194 lbs by New Years. 1300 cal a day. Couch to 5k every other day. Weights every other day.)
3) Do 2 more 5k’s (I have one on my nightstand. Do it by December 1st. I need to register for one more by Jan 1st.)
4) Write Christmas Cards (By Thanksgiving. Start collecting addresses now.)
5) Finish my novel (By January 1st. 500 words a day starting November 8th)
6) Get a job (Work 2 days a week begining December 1st)
7) Alpha test Santuary again (Sometime before December 31st)
8) Find a new place to volunteer at. (Check into the Community Center as well as United Way.)
9) Improve hygine (Shower daily. Use deoderent every time. Brush teeth twice daily.)
10) Find a new LARP (Write a list to try in 2017.)
11) Meditate daily starting November 2nd.
12) Go to a Friends-giving party.
13) Finish making my shelf.

As to my wanderlust, Friday I go to Boston. Sunday I visit Salem and historical Boston. I will take lots of pictures.



PS: How about those Cubs!? Did they win? I don’t know. Bottom of the 8th and we’re 6-3. I hope we win. The umpire seems a bit biased though.