Skip this. It's depressing.

I'm feeling pretty depressed and a little suicidal today. Depression is hard, let's be real for a moment. Depression is seriously hard. Pills help, but it's always there waiting for your weakness to show. It wants to kill you. It wants to kill me. I'm stronger than suicide.

I'm worthless. I can't work, as much as I'd love to, there hasn't been a day where I could have gotten through a full day of work without falling asleep. I give myself the illusion that I'm working, but let's face it. Since getting the subbing job I have taken zero gigs. I just haven't felt well enough.

I'm afraid of both rabid trump and Clinton supporters. I feel like I could lose friendships I treasure just because I didn't vote the right way. I really don't have many friends. I have lots of aquantances. Friends are something I have in short supply. After I got sick friends just stopped wanting to be a part of my life. Now I'm walking on eggshells to keep from upsetting the ones I have. I shouldn't have to, but there it is.

Even gaming, the thing I do to forget my world I suck at. I can't hold my own in it. Even bejeweled seems to be out to get me.

I'm cold.

I'm lonely.

And I don't see Any value in being this cold, lonely, and worthless.

At least I haven't had a ciggarette in 11 days.