Can I go back..?

I am having the weirdest feelings today. I feel like I'm not altogether anchored to my body. When something moves in front of my face echoed images follow it like some weird tripping scene from a movie. 

I'm hungry. 

My head hurts.

All I can think about is ham, easy over eggs, toast, and christmas cookies. 

Our bread is moldy. I still made myself a peanutbutter and jelly and cut off as much mold as I could. It was gross, but moving is weird...disjointed. There aren't many other options in the house. I need to go shopping. I was supposed to do that today. Guess what didn't happen.

I feel hot and cold at the same time. Maybe I have a fever. I don't feel feverish, but that hot-cold feeling is very simmilar.

I am angry. I want to be able to do what I want today. Joe is in the middle of finals. I need to take care of him, my house, and my babies. I feel like it's all I can do to hold on to earth and my body before it goes flying off. I am so angry. I just want to be able to do the things I used to. Hell, I'd settle with being able to clean and cook.

I never wanted to be a home maker. Its not that I look down on homemakers, it's just never been the lifestyle I crave. But if I could get to the point where I could be a homemaker even. I wouldn't have to have grand adventures. I wouldnt have to have a farm. I wouldn't have to teach. I would be happy with just living a life out of bed...away from my malfunctioning body. I would take such good care of the house, of my pets, of my boyfriend. Okay, there would be a steep learning curve. I admit it. I'm not good at cleaning...but if it meant I could be normal or at least an echo of normal again I would do it in a heartbeat. 

Being like this makes me feel depressed. 

I just want to be normal again.