Baby!

I love children. I love them at any age. Screaming infant to the most punkish teen, Even though I'll complain insessantly about other people's children I really do find them kind of endeering in ways. I enjoy their creativity, the ability to inspire them, and their boundess love. I also find their nievity inspirational. It's for this reason I want to become a teacher (Among other reasons.)

However, with the prospect of my career on the line because of my poor health, Ifeel desperate to recapture it through any means avalible. I've never really wanted children of my own. I figured I'd leave my legacy in other ways: Teaching students, writing books, pets, starting charities and schools. It was never important to have spawn of my own, especially in a world so full of neglected children. At most I wanted to adopt. Yet I feel like FND is tieing my hands. I can't do half the stuff I want to do because of it.

Baby crazy hit me hard at Joe's famly Cristmas party. All I could think about was spawn and how much I wanted one. I wanted to grow it, poop it out, breast feed it, make sure it got the best education, grew upo to be a moral and upstanding world changer. 

I kept thinking about what a perfect family Joe and I would have. We'd make such smart, creative, pretty babies. We both have good genes, and an even better community for raising children. Any spawn Joe and I had would be beautiful. They would be well educated because I'm a teacher, and Joe is a teacher (in skill not in occupation). We are both creative, free thinking, world changers. Our parents are good people who would keep the children well diciplined, while teaching and inspiring. Both our parents are well off so the kid would not starve. Both Joe and I understand the concept of working hard to get what you want, and any spawn we have would not be spoiled because of that. All our family would live in the same town as we live, and our friends are also very intelligent and good with kids (A lot of them are teachers in some form or another) We would have a good family.

Joe does not want children though. I'm not going to have kids, nor presssure him because a kid is something both people need to want and be ready for. And I'd rather have Joe than a child to be honest so I've come to terms with the fact I'm not getting babies. It strikes me as odd as I never really wanted them until recently anyway. It was hard, but I think I've delved into my own personal reasons for me to want to spawn so desperatly. 

1) Curiosity: With all my friends pooping out kids, breastfeeding, doing mommy-things I am deeply curious as the the mechanics, logistics, and what all goes into the find profession of breeding. What does it feel like to have a kid kick in your belly? What emotions do you feel when the father puts his hands on your tummy? How does it feel to give birth naturally? What feelings do you feel as your spawn is placed on your chest bloody and umbilical cord still pulsing? What does it feel like to breast feed? What does it feel like to watch the love coming from all the friends family and dad holding it? I heart stories, of course...but I don't know.

2) My friends are all growing up and starting families. Since children take up a sizable chunk of time, I feel lost in their conversations. I miss feeling included.

3) It would give me comfort for my lonliness, and a purpose in life. I used to have work, school, and an active social life. Now I spend all of my time alone in the house. Having a baby means that I have both a job and companionship. It would fill my life with unconditional love and purpose. I mean, if I can't teach a classroom, I can still teach asingle child, right? And the kid is company. I can talk to it, teach it, tell it stories hug it when I need physical affection. This is the major reason I want a kid so badly right now.

4) My family is getting older, and so am I. Mom, my great aunt, and my grandmother aren't going to live forever. My mom wants to be a grandmother. Joe's mom (I think) also wants to be a grandmother. Joes dad and my dad are both masters of doting on children! Noah hasn't graduated high school yet. Joe's brother doesn't seem to have interest in starting a family. I don't think he'll get to that point for a long time. Robert doesn't want to get married and he's not the type. Joe's sister is the same. That leaves me. That leaves Joe.I feel its my responsibility to provide my mother with the grandbaby. What's more...I'm going to hit 30 in a few months. Although its not a sore spot with me really. I recognize that as I get older there is more health risks for myself as well as well as any spawn i have as the years progress. In other words my bio-clock is reminding me that if I'm going to have a baby ever, it needs to be in the next 5-10 years.

5) I have the body for baby making. I have the hips. I have the boobs. I have the genes. (My FND isn't genetic) I feel like it would be a waste of my baby maker to not use it.

6) I want to make all the things!!! Babies are a good reason to make things...I want to make clothes and blankets, and toys, and tools! I want to make things!

The reasons I don't want to spawn.

1) Time

2) Money

Things I can do to satisfy some of these issues:

1) Become a serrogate. I know people who want babies and can't have them. I could get pregnant and have a baby for those people.

2) Adopt or become a foster parent. There are so many kids out there that need love.

3) Volenteer or get a job working with kids.

4) Steal my friends children for extended periods. 

5) Find another legagy or "Child" for Joe and I.