E-cigarettes and coffee musings

i got up early this morning because Rowan was being a douche nozzle, and demanding attention at 5am. He had plenty of food. He just wanted cuddles, and the bed is willows domain. He prefers the recliner. I couldn't get back to sleep in the recliner.

I got a package from amazon yesterday. I got 3 things. The first is a metric butt ton of lavender that I'm going to make lavender simple syrup for lavender lemonade to drink at midsummer. I have no idea what to use the rest for. I also got some new highlighters. I use them to highlight my religous books, but my old ones were out of ink. I just got done with my chapter on Thor, and my next chapter is on baulder. The last thing I got was a book on Appalachian hoodoo, or granny folk magic. I have no idea what I'll find in it, but it's going to be read after I read "Taking Up the Runes" and both volumes of "Our Troth". I figure since I'm in Appalachia I should learn about how they did magic. I'm also going to learn about the native people in my area and how they honored the land, but that is much research later. It's hard to find out what tribe lived in your area back in the day.

Joe left a video game running upstairs. The house is filled with what I assume is the Witcher III soundtrack. It is lovely and peaceful.

Last night I stayed up till midnight planning woodworking projects. I now have so many I'm not sure I can complete them all this summer. This is a good thing.

Currently I'm working on a shelf for my boots and drawers in it for my scarfs. Apparently, the design is challenging. And I'm using plywood which furthers the challenge. I don't know how good it's going to be, but I can at least say that I made it myself.

Here are my other projects:

Boot and scarf organizer

Balsa tank stand

Cello stand

Laundry sorter

Bathroom closet organizer 

Litterbox container

Cat planter for grass and catnip

New coffee organizer 

Toaster oven stand?

Gun safe

Patio storage

Cover for oil tank

Under sink storage

Plant table

Herb wall/cabinet

Sock/underwater drawer dividers

Filing cabinet

Bee house

Floating shelves

Bat house

Tiered planter stands indoors

Raised beds

Compost bin

Trash can covers

Bad days and good days

Habitica is really helping me do what I need to do. It's an incredible transformation. I brush my teeth twice a day now, clean the litterbox, practice duolingo, and even floss!

The problem is I'm still so exhausted that sometimes I don't do everything on my list. It's disheartening. I mean I what I have on my to do list amours to about 3 hours of work. A lot of which is sitting down. Still, yesterday the dishes didn't get done, I didn't read my chapter. I didn't even exercise at the end of the day like I wanted.

This exhausted thing is so frustrating. I want to complete my to do list, but instead I just nap all the time.

Last night I had the worst fnd/ torettes thing I've had in a while. Uncontrollable shaking, loud noises, and this static pressure throughout my body marked my evening. I'm pretty sure my incomplete to do list was one of the factors leading to it.

I may be better with my chronic illness, but it's still there. I take my pills religiously. I eat better. I even try to exercise...but it still lurks waiting for when I'm vulnerable to show itself.

On a positive note, I'm excited about midsummer. My brothers graduation is the day before so I can't go pick strawberries like I wanted, but thanks to the supermarkets I can still have them. I'm making salmon for dinner and a lemon cake for desert. I'm having some friends over to celebrate the longest day of the year. And although I don't have a vegetable garden this year to celebrate my first harvest, I can celebrate with people instead.

My Guilty Pleasures

I love Romance Novels! The smuttier the better. I love the formula. There isn't much that's unexpected. It's sappy and happy. Even the "challenges" are easy to overcome. I especially like sci-fi, fantasy, and supernatural romances. Vampires, zombies, interdimentional travel, and swords are my forte. I know that it's trashy, and I know there is no literary value. It's honestly a waste of my time. However, I enjoy it.

There is no music genera that I don't enjoy in some fashion. I don't know why I don't like something about music. I just like every genera. That includes trashy pop music. I realize that it's unintelligent and far from complex, but the music makes me want to dance.

Children's movies are the best. They aren't complex. They are predictable. And I love them.

Earliest Childhood Memory

I was seven, with thin cornhusking hair and large inquisitive brown eyes. My knees were cut up from running and falling out in the woods near my house. And I did run free and wild in those woods. I knew those woods, and the babbling creek that tumbled over rocks and branches. I knew where the thorns were and where every tree grew its roots. It was my playground.

My parents invited over some friends one day. Their kids came with them, a girl a little younger than me and the most handsome boy I had seen in my seven short years. He was tall dark and swarthy, with shaggy black hair and chocolate eyes. I wanted to give him everything I had to gain his affection. It was only natural I show him my land, the only thing I felt I had.

I showed them the magic and magisty. I brought them to the creek and showed them my trees, my flowers. And they were mine for I spent more time with them than anyone. I showed them the beauty of my world, but the boy would not give me the affection I so desperately desired. I wanted him to fall madly in love with me through the land that I was so fond of. As he threw stones in the creek, I imagined him as a prince, and I a princess.

My prepubescent mind searched the only knowledge I had of love: Disney movies. And in every single one of them the prince had to rescue the princess before they could have their happily ever after. So I got it in my mind that the boy had to save me. But what could he possibly save me from?

Snakes? No snakes around.

A maddening storm? The sun was shining.

A frothing demon? Fresh out of those.

That's when my gaze fell upon an old rickety tree that hung over the creek. I would climb that tree and my prince would surely rescue me! He had to, because at this point he was no longer a mere boy, but every brace hero I had read about or watched. I hardly knew him, but in my mind he was fierce, bold, and plucky. He would save me because his good heart would not see otherwise.

So up the tree I went.

"Oh, help me. Save me. I can't get down from this tree." I called,

My plaintif pleas were met with stark reality. The boy I had built up was just that, a boy. Confused, he asked me why I didn't just climb down.

"I'm stuck." I started to get upset. The plan was not working out.

That's when the branch under me snapped and plunged me into the creek. Covered in water and mud, with a bruised body and ego I returned to the loving arms of my mom. Through sobbed words I conveyed the basics of what happened.

"Why didn't you climb down?" She asked me.

All my reasons came out as an embarrassed "I don't know"

I never wanted a man to save me again. I vowed later, as the memory became epic in my mind, that I would always try to rescue myself. If I got myself into a mess, I could damn well climb back down the tree and get myself out.

Why I Don't Cherish Things

Things are replaceable. They need to be with how well I treat my things. I destroy things. And it's all because things are replaceable. When you look at it objectively all things are transient. They will never last as long as you want them to. You might as well use them until they break.

There are some things I have that are expensive that I treat better, but still use. However I treat them with kid gloves. Actually, only one thing I can think of do I treat with kid gloves. That's a crystal vase that joe got for me at an auction. And even though I really like it, and respect it's fragility , I still don't care if it's gone.

Things can be replaced. Even things with emotional value can be replaced. I have things from dead relatives, but I have them to spark memories. It's the memories that are important, not the things themselves.

I think the thing I treasure the most is my Wonder Woman mug. I use it whenever it's clean. Sometimes I'll clean it just to use it. However, even if it broke I wouldn't be upset. It's just a mug.

The things that truly matter in life are friends, family, health, and memories.. those are not replaceable.

Also, I have cats who destroy things. I'd rather have cats than things.

My internet tabs

I slept through a job offer today. I'm kicking myself over it. I mean I woke up for my alarm clock at 5:30. I checked for jobs and there were none. Then I went back to sleep. Fifteen minutes later I got a call for a job, and I slept through it. Ugh! I wanted to work today. Curse my sleep problems!

The vegetarian thing has been going well so far except for one thing. Buying fresh veggies is expensive. Making dinner last night was 25 bucks for 4 servings. I can't imagine continuing this habit because it's just so expensive. I'm used to food being 2 bucks per serving. I might have to tap joe to continue purchasing fresh veggies.

I've been researching a lot lately. Things I want to do are filling up my browser tabs. The first is Arbor Day. Org. You see I want to plant a tree, specifically an oak tree. The problem is I don't know where I can plant it. I don't own land. There's no group in the area that has a tree planting program. I just want to plant a tree. If they didn't grow so quickly, I would plant it in a large potter till I got land. But young trees grow fast.

Then I have a tab open for blue ridge Beltane. I missed it this year, but I'd love to go to it next year. I want to go to a religous retreat. It's on my bucket list. And it's supposed to be a decent sized event. And although it's not asatru, it's generally pagan.  I would like to go next year.

There's a local river clean up that happens every your. I missed it by a week this year. Next year I will be doing it. I'm put off by litter. It makes a place look bad, and it's bad for the wildlife. I shall clean it up!

The local berry farm. Because I want to pick my own berries for midsummer. I'm planning on having some friends over for lemon fill salmon, herbed potatoes, a lemon cake, and fresh strawberries.

The Blackbeard pirate festival takes place in Hampton, va. I used to live down there and I loved it. I used to go every year. I promised myself one day I'd go to their pirates ball. And one day I shall, just not this year. Joe doesn't want to go, and I don't want to go alone.

The farmers market hours are simple. But I need the reminder or I will forget to go, and I need to get local meats for meals for joe.

I'm thinking hard about the Adopt a soldier program. It's a way to volunteer without too much time. Every week you write a letter to your adopted soldier. And occasionally you send a care package. It doesn't seem too hard, but I'm not the most responsible person in the world. I'm not good at writing letters. I'm still debating it. We'll see if I actually do it.

And on an unrelated note, Duolingo finally has their Japanese language out. So I'm going to be doing twice the duolingo everyday! Spanish because of my profession and Japanese because of my passion.

In the meantime I have a lot of chores I need to get done. I'm off to have a productive day despite not working!

That's a scrubbed mission.

I spent hours on a post....HOURS. In total about 7 hours on a post. All that work wasn't saved. I am so pissed. It was really good, too. I had a lot of positive introspection and realizations. It was awesome, and so was my day yesterday.

I was super productive! I spent 4 hours writing, scrubbed the litterbox, made a wooden box, went shopping, made the meal prep for the week, made dinner, and did all of the dishes. I also stalked my rapist, my ex husband, and myself.

Come to find out my rapist may be married and is making a lot more than I am. Big surprise there. I'd like to think he's a better man now. Adolescence is a time of powerful hormones. It doesn't make what he did right, but as long as it was a one time thing I feel better.

Though sometimes I still wish I could gut him for all the pain he put me through. It's a very small part of me that hasn't fully forgiven him yet. The majority of me has though.

You'd be surprised how much information you can find on the internet. Just by knowing someone's full name and a few basic facts about them, you can research a lot, even if they don't have facebook, which my rapist doesn't. Though his brother does.

I am such a creeper. I just want to know they've changed without actually contacting them. I'm obsessed with the people who wronged me realizing they were wrong and changing for the better. That to me is the ultimate justice.

This is the song that's been stuck in my head lately: