Self critical

I’m fat, I dress like I’m homeless, and I can’t clean.

I need to lose weight. It’s super hard. I just don’t have the self control. Plus eating right makes a lot of dishes and I’m very bad at doing dishes.

I dress like I’m homeless. I don’t know another way to dress. I’m fat. My clothes are too small. I guess that’s part of it. I don’t have the money to go buy nice well fitting clothes. And if I plan to loose weight it’s pointless anyway.

Right now I’m stuck. I want to change. I want to be skinny again. I just don’t know if I can do it.

I stopped my antidepressants and my Tourette’s meds. I’m fine. Not depressed, and my Tourette’s is under control so far. This isn’t depression. This is frustration. I know I can change. I’m just not good at it.

So new plan!

Do dishes every morning. Every morning! Even if there is only one dish. Focus on calories. Eat more veggies and lean meats. 1200 calories is too intense. I’m going to stay under 1500. And I’m going to go through my closet and get rid of the worst offenders on the clothes front.

Good news is school is going well. Very well. I love it! I’m happy with it, though I’m eager to have my own classroom. I’m actually quite happy most of the time...except when I look in a mirror.