You're better than that

I hate that people don't know me. They think they do, but they really don't. How can they, I don't even know myself?

I've been raging a lot lately. There's so much I can't do. I want to watch Game of Thrones. I want to see the new Captain America. I want to be free to do everything I used to. I am so close to being able to.

I'm lonely. I think I've forgotten how to talk to people. My friends come over and all I want to do is stay quiet and listen to them talk. There is nothing in the world I want more right now is being smack dab in the middle of a good and fun conversation and not contribute anything.

I drink alone. I don't do it every night. Hell I don't even do it every week, but I enjoy drinking alone. I'm not an alcoholic because it doesn't interfere with my life, and I don't drink often.

I'm always hungry. I'm uncomfortable when I haven't eaten in a while, not because I want to eat, but because I'm scared I won't see my next meal, or I'll be too sick to make anything.

I don't listen to music often. I like music, but I like silence better. It helps me think. Talk radio I enjoy as much as silence because it gives me something to think about.

I prefer stories. The longer and more complex the better. I like them because I like seeing other people struggle to achieve their goal then succeed or fail based on their decisions. I don't enjoy self help books even though I'll pick one up occasionally.

I spend most of my time talking to myself, and coming up with ways to get out into the world. I'll then pretend I'm at the job as I walk around my house. I've been a translator, a metal singer, a famous author, an office clerk, a teacher, an abstract artist, and a maid. Every time I do it it makes me feel like I'm out in the world.

I bite the skin around my nails and pick my nose. It's gross, and I try not to. But there it is.

I'm like an angsty teen sometimes. This post is full of it. Ha!