Gross!

(Warning: lots of tmi)

So I'm laying in bed, coughing up phlegm from my bronchitis, having my lady-time flow, and putting out more gas and poop than I think is natural considering how much I've been eating lately. Maybe because I started taking probiotics?

In other words: "I feel gross!"

But tomorrow is Legend's Yule event. I'm heartbroken. This is the last legends...ugh! And they're doing a final photoshoot...and I'm no longer thin and pretty enough to look feminine, nor am I muscled and buff enough to pull off my masculine characters. It's not that I hate how I look. It's just I don't feel like I pull off my characters like I used to... Black smithing warrior Saint or for resting warrior wolf familiar with a paunch? No one would believe it. Half starved gypsy, or a Victorian lady type with arm flab? I would get so many looks. It's not that I'm uncomfortable in my body. I just realize my body right now doesn't fit the characters I play at all right now.

Plus, I'm totally not digging on the fact I'm farting every 3 minutes like clockwork... 

And then I play my dating sims, and I suddenly miss being able to be active and adventurous and...well pretty.

I'm just not pretty anymore.

It's not that I mind. I'm just getting older, and dealing with a medical thing...but I miss having the power to get guys to want to sleep with me. It's not that I followed up on it, but just feeling desired was enough. Even when my husband wouldn't touch me, knowing that there was someone that would really made me feel...special? Normal? I don't know.

I'm trying to make the best of what I got. Despite my bronchitis I did get out in my chair this week (I'm hoping for more next week. Cuz you know...how long can broncitus and a period last?) in planning on getting super active and looking good again! 

...hopefully...

Maybe it's pms that has me so down on how I look today... Maybe it's the blood shit and phlegm...

I just wanna be a pretty sparkle princess. Is that so much to ask? A pretty dress, a man who wants to impress me as much as I want to impress him (which I kind of have if only there were more time in the day, and I was healthier) and fucking sparkles and bubbles and camera glares and billions who adore me and do everything I desire! And a sword...a badass sword! Maybe sword-chucks!!!

Yeah....that's how I can feel pretty. I'll buy. Myself some sword chucks...

Yeah...sword chucks...