What activities I'm willing to try

Here are some activities I want to try

Parkour: I've always wanted to learn parkour. I might have been able to pick it up no problem before I got sick. Now I'll need some bonnafied help to get into shape for it.

Belly Dance: belly dance takes a lot of individual muscle control. When I think of it it reminds me of the bene gesserit from "Dune." Basically the first years of training are meant to teach you to control yourself physically and mentally. I think that would be so neat

Hoop Dancing: hoop dancing is massively badass because it is a beautiful and graceful thing. I mean just look at it: LOOK AT IT!!!

Pole Dance: Every girl wants to feel sexy. And this is a super intense way to do so. The amount of muscle it takes to do some of those moves is incredible. On top of that there is a gracefulness that is a part of pole dancing that I find...enviable

Scuba: I'd say spelunking, but I have problems with not being able to see where I'm going. Scuba is the next best thing. You are free to move as you will, but are still breaking the confinements of being an air breathing creature.

Blacksmithing/Glass blowing: What is more badass than the creative art of making things. In the case of blacksmithing working with fire to mold hard substances to your will. In the case of glass blowing it's the same but instead of using brute strength, using finesse.

Learn piano: I've always liked making music, and the fact a lot of my friends are talented musicians makes me want to be able to join them in music making somehow. I have a piano here at home. I just don't know how to use it.

Slight of hand: Great for parties, and just generally neat, especially that coin finger dance thing where the coin dances over knuckles.Making the coin disappear and reappear are just bonuses.

Play poker: Poker is a card game of both luck and skill. You have to play both the hand and the people around you. It takes a lot of brain power, and playing it cool. That's why poker is so badass, and why I want to be able to play it. Currently I couldn't tell the difference between a straight flush and a royal flush. On a positive note I am confident both of those are actual things.


There are a lot more that I wish I could do but don't feel it's safe with my condition (get good at skeet shooting), and things I used to know how to do but am out of practice (Martial Arts). These are the activities I am willing to try specifically.

Most badass skill

So I asked my Facebook friends what the most badass skill one can have is, and I think I want to try to do a series on trying some of the skills (or modified versions of the skills). The skills are:

• Communicating well (how I will do this is by attending x number of Toastmaster meet ups to improve my speachmaking abilities)
• Balance a checkbook. (Do a week of manual checkbook entries and compare it at the end of the week.)
• Speaking more than 2 languages (share my progress learning Spanish, ASL, and Japanese)
• Self Defence/Krav maga (sign up for martial arts lessons)
• Perseverance (write a post on the things I learned from being sick)
• Axe or knife throwing (buy throwing daggers, set up a target, and practice)
• Beer pong skills. (Go to my friends house and challenge them to beer pong, looking up YouTube pointer videos)
• Cooking (cook 3 challenging recipes and have friends over to taste test them)
• Liking yourself (write a post of 50 things I like about myself.)
• Being nice to mean people. (I'm at a loss for this one)

That would be a fun series to do, I think. I might start it in the summer. If you have another suggestion, please let me know!

What I like to do for fun

So World of Warcraft is something I do for fun lately. Aside from giving myself an anxiety attack tromping through social media political posts, that is.

I play it every day I don't have work. There isn't much to share about it. I am not big on Player v. Player. Dungeons scare me. Honestly, I need to get over my fear of being yelled at on the game before I start doing anything exciting. I'm working on it, though. Last night I did some dungeons with strangers (which is normally where I get yelled at). I did pretty well too. If I'm not exhausted tonight I'll do some more Battleground PvP and maybe another dungeon.

Favorites

Color:

Goldenrod

Flower:

Wisteria

Scent:

Baking Bread

Season:

Autumn

Holiday:

Halloween

Book:

"Mama Day" by Gloria Naylor

Movie:

Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

Band:

Great Big Sea

Food:

Cheese

Candy:

Cow Tails

Fruit:

Plums

Drink:

Dole Pineapple Orange Banana Juice

Adult Beverage:

Piña Colada

Animal:

Rat

Sport:

Dagorhir

Breakfast:

Hevoes Rancheros

Dinner:

Steak, Mac and Cheese, Mashed Potatoes, and Green Beans

Dessert:

Taramisu

Soda:

Cherry Coke

Type of Food:

Mexican-American Food

Board Game:

Atmosfear "The Harbingers"

Video Game:

Suikoden II

Song:

"Strange Days" by Mathew Good Band

Author:

Simon R Green

Store:

That political post

Yesterday thousands of women marched in Washington to show their distaste for president Trump. I am so proud of those women for standing up for their beliefs peacefully. Also, I kind of don't like Trump so there's that too. Seriously though, I want to protest when trump eventually makes policy I don't agree with. Like Wednesday there's a protest by teachers by wearing a red shirt against the proposed secretary of education. I'm going to wear red because she is under qualified and kind of stupid. Also I'm hoping no one notices. Im super shy about my political opinions. Last time I shared them I felt like my friends dumped me. But I'm drugged up so I'm sharing them anyway. (I took my sleepy pills, but I'm too something to sleep.

1) I believe in massive education reform.
2) I believe in prison reform. (I believe the school to prison pipeline needs to be fixed in the education system first)
3) I believe that your gender does not need to match your biological sex
4) I am pro choice
5) I am for the legalization of marijuana
6) I believe in vetting gun-owners for but not restricting gun types
7) I believe that we need to fix our healthcare system.
8) I believe that people who are gay deserve the same rights as straight people
9) I believe strongly in the first amendment
10) I firmly believe in the separation of church and state
11) I think children should be vaccinated to attend publicly funded institutions
12) I believe in climate change
13) I believe in funding science
14) I believe in cutting back military spending
15) I don't believe we should be political in other countries right now, I think we need to focus on ourselves before we fix others
16) I don't mind my taxes going up.
17) I think income tax is cumbersome and needs reform.
18) I believe in term limits and linking legislative benefits (pay and vacation time) with the ability to balance a damn budget.
19) I believe the EPA is going overboard with some of their regulations.
20) I believe in taxing carbon emissions.

I feel like I should be more vocal about my beliefs, but I don't like arguments. They stress me out, and my FND and Touretts both get worse when I'm stressed.

And now I hope that no one yells at me on my blog.

What I am ashamed of

I loved my ex husband once, though it's hard to remember why, or what that love even felt like. No, I do remember. It felt warm, not comfortably warm, much more like a bathtub that's starting to get too cool. I did like his eyes. He had such pretty eyes.

He was a good man. He was kind and always willing to help someone out. He once gave a man $20 for gas, and he never locked his car saying "if they take it they must need it more than me." He was a bit foolish, but with an amazing heart.

I asked him to marry me. I also asked him for a divorce, and I'm not sure which I'm more ashamed of. You see, even though I knew there were big problems in our relationship, I still asked him to marry me. He wasn't ready, and to be honest, neither was I. I ignored the problems. I ignored everything because marriage was the next step. Marriage is what you're supposed to do when you live with someone. I ignored the warning signs to my great shame.

But I also took his heart in my hand. I took his trust and happiness onto myself, and I gave up when it got to hard. I did try. There was therapy, self help books, and long conversations trying to figure things out. But in the end I couldn't keep my promise to love and keep him. I gave up.

This is my greatest shame.

I blame it on him a lot. His addictions did betray my trust and kill our intimacy, and I'm still angry about his part in it all, but I am ashamed that I hurt him. I'm ashamed I couldn't keep my promise. I will probably never truest forgive myself for it either.

Now I panic.

I can't stop thinking about what I'm going to do if I loose my disability. I might not have lost it which is good news. but seriously, I can't afford to live without disability. I know this because I am not getting subbing calls. I can't work full time if full time isn't presented to me. That means I'll need a second job, and the only other jobs I'm qualified for are minimum wage jobs, which I also can't live on.

What I need to do is problem solve.

What I'm actually doing is laundry and dishes because they are less threatening.

On a positive note, I got a lot of laundry done today. I also went to the gym and didn't fall asleep on the treadmill. So, progress?

Tomorrow I have to call the DMV about weather they got my seizure update packet. If I didn't fill it out correctly I might loose my license. So I'm worried about that.

I wish I had never gotten sick. I wish I wasn't sick. I wish this past 2 years was a nightmare. I'll wake up and I'll be back in school and on my way to becoming a teacher. I'd have energy and not have to worry about seizures ever. I'd not have to worry about weather I can drive or not. I'd be thinner and beautiful. I really miss my old life.

Also, How do you spell the word "weather" as in "I love you WEATHER or not you love me." It's pissing me off that I don't know it.