Struggling

 I'm struggling to move to China time. My sleep schedule is all sorts of messed up. I'm going to start tutoring Monday whether I'm ready or not. 

I'm really nervous however, How will it effect disability? I need disability right now. I need money.

If I had money, I would take the cats to the vet and pay for the wedding. The rest would be given to Cody to put into savings for the future. I would love to have money for security. It would be so nice to not worry about money. 

So nice.

But I am trying so hard to make sure we are financially stable despite my inability to work regularly. I'm trying so flipping hard. I wish I could work/I want to be able to work a full time stressful job, but I can't yet. I want it so bad! I miss teaching so much!!

It's just so stressful that it triggers my FND so bad. I want this FND to leave me SO BAD!

New Schedule FOR NOW:

2:00 AM - Wake up and get ready
3:00 AM - VIP Kid
9:00 AM - Sleep
5:00 PM - Wake up Get ready
6:00 PM - Make Dinner
7:00 PM - Eat
8:00 PM - Cody Time 
10:00 PM - Get Ready for Bed
1!:00 PM - Sleep

Hopefully it works out.

Begrudging VIP Kid

 I signed up again for VIP Kid. I get to teach English to children from China. That will be fun. I'll do that until I get a teaching position at least. Until then, I'm going to become nocturnal. I flipped my schedule on its head. We'll see how it works out.

12:00 AM	VIPKID
12:30 AM	VIPKID
1:00 AM	VIPKID
1:30 AM	VIPKID
2:00 AM	VIPKID
2:30 AM	VIPKID
3:00 AM	VIPKID
3:30 AM	VIPKID
4:00 AM	VIPKID
4:30 AM	VIPKID
5:00 AM	VIPKID
5:30 AM	VIPKID
6:00 AM	VIPKID
6:30 AM	VIPKID
7:00 AM	VIPKID
7:30 AM	VIPKID
8:00 AM	VIPKID
8:30 AM	Sleep Routine
9:00 AM	Sleep
9:30 AM	Sleep
10:00 AM	Sleep
10:30 AM	Sleep
11:00 AM	Sleep
11:30 AM	Sleep
12:00 PM	Sleep
12:30 PM	Sleep
1:00 PM	Sleep
1:30 PM	Sleep
2:00 PM	Sleep
2:30 PM	Sleep
3:00 PM	Sleep
3:30 PM	Sleep
4:00 PM	Sleep
4:30 PM	Sleep
5:00 PM	Wake up Routine
5:30 PM	Wake up Routine
6:00 PM	Cody Time
6:30 PM	Cody Time
7:00 PM	Cody Time
7:30 PM	Cody Time
8:00 PM	Cody Time
8:30 PM	Cody Time
9:00 PM	VIPKID
9:30 PM	VIPKID
10:00 PM	VIPKID
10:30 PM	VIPKID
11:00 PM	VIPKID
11:30 PM	VIPKID

Whining

 I didn't follow the schedule today much either. I just don't feel well. I'm stressed. I did ride on the bike for 10 minutes, and I took my pills. I have done literally nothing else save for job hunting. It's consumed me.

I called one job that I have a connection to. They said that there might not be a job to fill after all. So that's pleasant news /s. I also talked with a recruiter for another company and she said that there are no jobs currently, but as soon as one becomes available she will push my application through. I've also applied to 2 other jobs today so far. I'm so tired of this. I just want a job I can physically do. We are seriously strapped for funding right now to the point where I'm not going to get more milk for my morning coffee. I also need to stop smoking for money as well as other reasons. I just lack discipline. 

I'm having such a hard time with life right now. FND is a bitch. I can't physically do things and mentally taxing tasks put me in a state. I'm just a useless lump because of the FND, and disability has yet to come through. I could really use that money right now. 

I should go clean. I think I'll take the day to focus on cleaning, even if I only get the trash out. I also will get some laundry done. 

I think I'd also like to do a money spell to get a job. 

I'm just so tired of being sick. I hate this disease and how it's wrecked my future. 

I should probably eat somethin too. 

Ugh.

Update

 I am dealing with an FND flair. It's rough. I'm coming out of it though. I'm applying to virtual jobs and trying very hard to come up with a job that pays the bills because money is an issue. Disability is taking forever to come through and I am le poor. I've applied to several jobs and have a recruiter looking for me. We'll see how that turns out.

In the meantime I'm trying to get back into doing a schedule. I'm being very adaptable in the schedule to start, but I really want to get working doing things instead of laying in bed reading or mindlessly scrolling tic-tok. 

7:00 - Exercise: stretching 10 minutes. Bike 20 minutes

7:30 - Morning Routine: Shower, Coffee, Breakfast (200 cal)Egg, Toast, Onions and Peppers, Job Hunt, Meds

8:30 - Chores: 20 minutes cleaning, 10 minutes rest
Daily: Litter, Dishes, Laundry 2 Rounds
Weekly: M: Kitchen, T: Living and Dining Room, W: Offices, Thursday: Bedroom, Friday: Bathrooms and Hallway 3 Rounds

11:00 - Lunch: (300 Cal) Ham/Turkey 3oz, Banana, and 1 c carrots

12:00 - Blog: Amazon Affiliate or Becoming a Badass

1:00 - Novel: Demon Hunter or Suicide Note

2:00 - Money Making Planning: Set up for Money making of the day.

2:30 - Money Making: M: Magic, T: Crafts, W: Reading, H: Gaming, F: Cooking

4:00 - Reading or Fun Crafts: Crochet, Wrap Pants tedious crafting.

5:30 - Wedding Crafts: Handfasting Cord or Flowers

6:00 - Dinner: (1000 Cal) Chicken, Veggies, and Rice

7:00 - TV Episode:

7:30 - Cody Time: M: Maker, T: Writing, W: Walk/Music, H:Game Night, F: Friend/Gaming

9:30 - Sexy Time

10:00 - Bedtime Routine: Rinse off (Brush teeth and Wash face), Night Tea, Reading 11:00 - Sleep

I haven't stuck with the schedule at all today.. I got up at 7:45 though my alarm went off at 7:00. I just had a hard time waking up. I had my coffee, but didn't eat. I did take my pills and apply for some jobs, though. I did zero cleaning, and I feel quite guilty about it. I skipped lunch in favor of getting right in on blogging.

Maybe I'll take some time and at least take out the trash. We desperately need the trash taken out. We have a swarm of flies and fruit flies living with us (and I hate it). My glasses are broken so I'm using my contacts which aren't good for close up. It's very hard to see the screen., Everything is blurry, but not as blurry as it is when I have no vision correction.

FND is hard, yo. I have trouble walking, bending down, I'm constantly fatigued. I know since this is my new normal I should power through it. I just can't seem to figure out how.

I am dog sitting all week this week. that's $20 a day for an hour of my time. The dogs are cute and well behaved, if a bit hyper, but money is money.

It's been a while...

Well it's been a while. I fell off the badass train for a bit. I'm going to be dipping my toes in slowly. 

Covid hit home pretty hard. Not that anyone o knew died...though they did. But rather the financial and health impacts of lockdown. 

I'm back at work and im taking classes for my sped add on to my teaching license. That takes up a lot of my time. Though not as much as it used to.the current job I have wants me to not go over 50 hours a week...40 if I can help it.

But starting tomorrow I'm going to start drinking more water. I'm going to have an 8 oz glass in the morning, drink my 16 oz water bottle twice. Once at work and once after, and then I'll have another 8 oz before bed.

I'd also like to start blogging again...but we will see how it goes.

Day 1, 2021

2020 is out. Enter 2021.

Today is the first day of the New Year and I spent it relaxing with my boyfriend.

Tomorrow I go into work at Walmart. 

This past year has been rough with moments of escapism. Lost so many that I love...This coming year could be better, but I'm not putting money on it. 

If I had money to put on it.

No new years resolutions. If anything it's to survive.

But I'm laying in bed with my cats and Cody. I'm heading to sleep at 7:30.

We'll see how this year goes...

busy bee

So I've started working at Walmart. It's enjoyable and very relaxing. I work with 3 people at the gas station and I really enjoy them. I work with D. D is the mother of one of my former students. She is fun, nice, and quirky. A. is a Vietnam veteran and full of amazing life experiences. N. Is well...he likes to talk. He reminds me of a more talkitive version of my youngest brother. It endeers me to him, but if it weren't for that he'd be a bit annoying. He and A. Get into arguments a lot, and talk behind each other's backs. 

Also, I earned my first nickname: Chirpy. The guy who gave me the nick name didn't like me because I was to perky all the time. I endeered myself to him by talking about metal music and how we were supposed to go on a metal cruise a few years back.

Anyway, I also signed up to sub at a school like the one I used to teach at. It's a school for students with special needs who don't fit in with the public school system. I worked my schedule to work there Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday. I'm hoping Walmart will still give me 40 hours because subbing is unpredictable.

I'm still applying to additional/ other jobs. I'm also still intermittently working on masks and TpT plans too, just very slowly.

Mostly I've just been trying to relax and get my house under control. I'm hoping to do that tomorrow. I have to clean my bedroom and bathroom, do some dishes, clean off the kitchen table, clean up the living room floor and lay out a rug. Should take me 4 ish hours. I have to get fingerprinted for the subbing gig. That should take an hour. The rest of my day will be spent making masks, baking, (banana bread, regular bread, and buttermilk biscuits) applying for jobs, and making some TpT materials.

I started thinking about weight. Cody is getting us a stand up freezer. That means on days I'm too tired to cook, I can just pop a frozen casserole in the oven. I've also discovered that I can make ricotta and sour cream from home. Also, I've made my own butter. Anyway...I'm really getting into the whole "cut processed foods" notion. And next year there will be a garden so...maybe it will help me loose some weight. Maybe it won't. Either way...it still takes better.

I'm going to start in on the exercise bike for 20 minutes before my morning showers. With any luck I'll start getting stamina. 

Cody and I will be starting martial arts come January. I'm hella excited.that should improve my strength, cardio, and flexibility. It's expensive, but should prove worth it.

Oh, a trick that worked really well for me in the past was activating my core. Thy and get it activated as much as you can for as long as you can at every point of the day.

I'm going to sleep now so I'll write more tomorrow